Bankruptcy DEFINITELY revealed

So a couple weeks ago my mom came into town on the weekend. I thought it was to see a family member in the hospital, but she said she wanted to talk to me because she felt something was going on.

I told her I was having a hard time with residency, felt inadequate, blah blah. She encouraged me on that but then started pressing on my relationship with NotMexican. After a lot of questions about his finances, she directly asked if he was filing for bankruptcy.

How did she know?

I was honest. We talked about it. I told her what it meant... then she started pressing for me to tell dad.

I told her I tried and he didn't wanna know. She said he was probably drunk and that's no excuse. He needs to know.

I gave in and told him yesterday. He was very calm. In fact, it didn't seem to bother him.

But naturally I got a lecture.

Now... NotMexican and I have been having more conflict in our relationship. Admittedly, I've been questioning if I'm making a mistake.

I expected my parents to tell me I was making a mistake and try to get me to break it off, but all they asked was for the same things I've been asking from NotMexican.

1. Counseling- I was pushing for this before engagement.
2. Live together before marriage- heck yeah
3. Pre-nup- you bet your freaking a$$ to Mars (if that's even a phrase)

I thought this was amazing and wonderful because my parents only re-iterated what I felt I needed before a legal union, a business arrangement... marriage.

NotMexican took it the wrong way, which I didn't understand and repeatedly kept telling him how this was a good thing.

He calmed down and apologized and ultimately did agree (since he already agreed before)... and well, I'm still engaged.

For now...

First session with the counselor is Friday.

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Will and Kate... Eva and Tony

When my cousin accidentally deleted her toast for her sister's wedding last week, I tried to get her to do the Princess Bride speech "Mawwaige..." Great movie.

Anyway, I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that Will and Kate are engaged. He is clearly a sweet and wonderful guy, and she is poised and beautiful.

On the other hand, I'm sadded by Eva Longoria and Tony Parker's split. While I do think what Tony did was terrible and extremely hurtful, I don't think Eva even tried to forgive and work on marriage. (So I don't know all the details, but still)

Agreeing to marry NotMexican was not a decision made lightly. It was very important to both of us that we have the same basic values and foundation. This included religion, politics, ethics, ambition, etc.

More importantly, I stressed the need for honesty and the ability to work together to solve problems.

I really hate how most of hollywood seems to run to divorce court over something that could be managed in therapy.

I hope Will and Kate honor and forgive each other, working to stick together as they have been able to do for the past 8 years.

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New Blog Title

Well I made it official about a month ago.

I'm no longer a predator.

I'm still getting used to it, but with my emotional ups and downs... the ups have been greater than the downs.

So I decided to change my blog template.

Don't worry... It's still me.

I mean, HELLO, my background is a glass of wine.

Cheers my loves!

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Grieving for Singledom

When people talk about grief, it's often over the loss of a loved one. But haven't we all gone through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief when we lost our favorite clothing item or had to let go of a past relationship?

The realization that I'm in a serious, lifelong relationship is creeping up on me, and I'm grieving the loss of my single life.

I know most women hate being single, but I LOVED IT. I absolutely LOVED dating, getting to know someone, getting hit on by guys and giving them my number, not caring where things went because there would always be the next guy... I'll stop now as I realize I'm beginning to brag.

Sorry.

A few nights ago, I went to a social event with friends. We were hanging out, drinking, meeting new people... and this attractive (BLOND) guy came over and started chatting with us. He was chatting it up with my friend first and I chatted with his friend. Then we switched, and he and I were having fun conversation.

I wasn't thinking too much of it until he asked me if I was single or engaged because he couldn't tell with my finger. (I have a tendency to flap my hands all over the place while talking, so good luck focusing on my fingers). I told him I was engaged and conversation continued as normal... or so I thought.

A few minutes later he told us he was gonna find his friends. I leaned over to my girl-friend and told her that if I wasn't engaged, he would soooo be my type. She said he was clearly dissapointed to learn I wasn't available.

It didn't hit me until someone else said it, but I actually felt sad when I got home. He totally would have asked me out, and we would probably have dated for a good while... I felt depressed.

Here I am alone in Boston while my fiance takes care of things across the country. I miss him all the time and am totally faithful, but man this non-single life is really starting to get to me.

Thankfully, NotMexican and I talked it out a couple days later. It probably wasn't the most exciting stuff for him to hear from me, but he was incredibly supportive and assured me that all will be well. Our distance will only make us stronger when we're finally together.

Man I hope so...

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Bankruptcy Revealed?

I was talking to my sister the other day and she asked me when I was gonna tell our parents about NotMexican's bankruptcy.

I told her that I didn't plan to. In fact, NotMexican wanted to spill his guts to my parents the first time they met and I told him not to. I didn't want them to judge him for being divorced and losing all his money because of it.

My sister told me it wasn't fair to our parents. What if we need them to cosign a loan in the future when buying a home.

I had thought about that, but I didn't plan on considering home buying for another 5 years.

I thought about it and agreed so I told NotMexican that we should sit my parents down and tell them everything. As if he didn't have enough stress on his plate, I just added a whopping chunk.

He got really upset (naturally), told me that he wasn't gonna say anything because I assured him it wasn't a big deal (true) and got angry with me for bringing it up suddenly (as he should).

Since it was such a big deal, both he and my sister suggested I tell my parents. I'm the one who started the drama, so I should take care of it.

And that's what I did last night.

We were at a formal dinner for the hospital and I found my dad in the corner hoarding food and drinks. I sat down with him and asked him what he thought of NotMexican.

He said he liked him.

I told my dad that I've made my decision. He replied, "I trust your decision."

I told my dad that NotMexican hasn't had the easiest life and because of it we will probably struggle financially. My dad said, "That's ok. Your mom and I struggled."

I asked my dad if he wanted to know why we would be struggling. My dad said, "I don't wanna know anything. I trust your decision. It's clear that NotMexican has struggled in his life just from talking to him and I think it's a good thing."

I asked him if was sure... He said he was sure.

I don't know what to say, but I'm just amazingly thankful.

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Bankruptcy Details

So some of you expressed concern in your comments on my last post and I wanted to write this post to assure you all that I did not suddenly throw my education out the window and go with love only.

NotMexican told me about filing for bankruptcy very early in our relationship. His ex-wife cheated on him, left him and took all of his money with her. (I'm sure karma will reap plenty of rewards on that).

Anyway, NotMexican has a fantastic lawyer helping him through this and my main concern is not so much the bankruptcy but what happens after and how it will affect me.

Will he get a good job in Boston? Will he get into law school? How will we pay for law school? How will his bankruptcy affect my credit, getting an apartment, etc etc?

I shouldn't be as concerned as he has been preparing for this, but I haven't. I've never not had money. I've never been in debt. I always have my parents to back me up should I need them.

As for the ring, well I knew where to go in Boston to get the best deal... and yes I paid for the ring. NotMexican has already paid me almost half-way back so I'm not concerned... and hopefully you guys won't judge that.

And as for marriage, it sure ain't gonna happen without counseling. I constantly have to reassure NotMexican that I won't cheat on him... and well you all know my track record with this blog... so clearly both of us need the counseling.

Basically, he is the guy for me. I'll never get to be a Real Housewife of Boston, but I will have a wonderful, hard-working, loyal, God-fearing husband.

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Freak-Outs

I would hope it's normal to have freak-outs when you're making a monumental decision.

The proposal was sooner than expected, so i don't think I was mentally prepared for what it means to be engaged.

All of my decisions are now affected by the realization that I have to think for "us" instead of "me."

It's a scary thing to accept this.

So naturally... I freaked out. And it happened at one of my best friend's weddings last week.

I asked NotMexican if he really loved me during the reception... and that upset him so much. Poor timing in retrospect, but I can't predict these things.

He reassured me, but I felt badly into the next day. Unfortunately that made our NYC trip the worst. I couldn't get over my freak out and then everything that could go wrong that day... did.

Everything ended poorly, resulting ultimately in an argument... and we parted, he back to Denver and I back to Boston, in anger.

Normally, that for me would mean the end of a relationship.

Luckily, it resulted in a fresh start.

We talked it out while I was on the greyhound back to Boston and had a great conversation agreeing to disagree and agreeing to work with each other.

I feel even better about our future now because we have excellent communication and make changes as we can to help each other out.

But I'm about to have my next freak out... his impending bankruptcy.

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The Ring

even better than the ring I wanted!

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A Predator No More

It's official.

I'm engaged.

I went to Denver last weekend for NotMexican's birthday.

We were relaxing at his home and typical me was on the computer.

He came over to hug me, then he wouldn't let go.

I said, "Babe, I'm on the computer"

He kept hugging me and said "you're gonna be my wife right?"

"of course babe"

"you're gonna marry me right"

"of course babe" (as I'm still typing away on the computer)

"do I have to get down on one knee?"

"when the time comes, if you want to... do whatever" (still trying to type)

NotMexican is down on one knee.

I asked, "oh are you asking me now?"

He puts the ring on my finger and says yes.

"Well yes of course!"

And then he picked me up, took me to the bedroom and hugged me for a long time.... as I stared at my ring.

Picture of the ring to come soon!

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when Exes become friends

I introduced NotMexican to Author because they both love to wakeboard. NotMexican owns a boat and is always looking for people to join him. Author owns a wakeboard is always looking for someone to pull him around.

They quickly became friends and hang out all the time without me.

NotMexican knows I dated Author. He doesn't know the extent of our hook-ups and failed dating, but he is very much ok with everything. Author has been very gentlemanly about not saying too much.

All of NotMexican's friends think their friendship is weird.

I think it's kinda cool. They're both great guys... who have both slept with me.

lol

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Nurses are NOT doctors

So one of my friends posted this article on facebook.

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/business/20100808_Nurses_who_are_doctors.html#ixzz0w85yHIRJ

Read it at your leisure, and let me know what you think.

Here's what I think:

Nurses are NOT doctors. Podiatrists are NOT doctors. Optometrists are NOT doctors. A lot of people with a "doctorate" are NOT doctors.

Doctors should only be called doctor if they have an M.D. a MEDICAL degree.

I wrote this post years ago during my third year of medical school ranting about hating nurses. I have since changed my mind as I have had the opportunity to work with GREAT nurses.

And while I appreciate nurse practitioners taking on more responsibility for decision-making, the fact is that the physician (the M.D. doctor) has the final say... and is ultimately the one who will get sued.

Calling anyone else a doctor confuses the crap out of patients, and speaking from first-hand experience, many patients are not the brightest.

I don't like wearing a white coat. I don't need anyone to call me doctor. In fact, it still shocks me when people do. I am a team-player like every physician in every hospital should be.

I don't want to confuse my patient. It's bad enough that they have 20+ medications to take on a daily basis. They should not have 20+ people to call doctor.

Doctor = a high school diploma + a bachelors degree + a medical degree from an accredited 4 year medical school

And even though at that point one earns the title of doctor, one is not officially done until he/she has completed the following: 3 or more years of an accredited residency program + 1-2 years of fellowship if specializing + PASSING the USA board exam(s).

I'm a doctor. I don't feel the need take ownership of that title for myself, but I do feel the obligation to take ownership of that title for excellent patient care.

It's not about hierarchy. It's about doing the job you're doing AS PART OF A TEAM to give the best patient care. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, technician, patient transporter or flower delivery person in the hospital... your focus is (or should be) SOMEONE ELSE.

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Hanging with Exes

In general I don't like to hang out with exes. It's not that I worry I'll fall into some trap of getting back together, but more that I don't think hanging out will help either one of us in any way.

That is, until last night when RedSox texted me to hang out at a posh bar in my area. It wasn't simply a request to hang out either. It was a request to help make another girl jealous.

Had I been sober, I probably would have declined (by lying and saying I was in a differnet part of town) but in my tipsy state I thougt it would be fun.

So I met up with RedSox, helped a girl feel miffed enough to leave the bar and got free drinks and after-hours pizza out of it.

Though the sketchy thing (which I feel is not a big deal) is that we went back to his place and watched TV... then I passed out on his couch.

In an odd way, it felt like we were dating again because we always watched TV before going to sleep, and I'd usually pass out on the couch for a bit and then head to bed dis-satisfied. But this time, I didn't go to his bed and we were friends who let other friends spend the night.

I don't plan on doing it again, though, for obvious reasons that my boyfriend would get pissed.

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Ring a ding ding

NotMexican casually told me a couple weeks ago that I should start engagement ring shopping. For most women I'm sure this is their dream come true. For me, the aspiring cougar-to-be, I had no idea what to do.

So I went about it in a scientific way. I googled diamonds. I read all about the C's and was scientifically prepped to shop.

I headed to the Diamond district in Boston and the endless sparkle threw my online education out the window.

I was AMAZED at how inexpensive a ring could be if I was willing to compromise on things. It was nuts.

I was overwhelmed with the whole experience, so I meandered home and stumbled into a boutique jewelry store on Charles Street.

I saw this ring and fell in love. It's a champagne diamond, so a "terrible" color but PERFECT for me. It was set in rose gold... not the ideal platinum but PERFECT for me. It has a halo of diamonds which tricks the eye into seeing a much larger ring, thus dropping the price.

It's beautiful. I took this picture from the shop's website. Sadly the store burned down last week, but I bet I could email the owner and get a deal on this ring... we'll see... but after I showed this picture to NotMexican, he told me to leave everything in his hands.

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Breaking the news to RedSox

When I landed in Boston, RedSox called to get the scoop on my moving and when i would be free.

I told him it would be a few days of moving in, but we could certainly hang out.

And I wanted to hang out as soon as possible because I wanted to break the news about my relationship with NotMexican sooner rather than later.

We met up for drinks in Beacon Hill. He looked great. Clearly he had been working out more. I was happy for him.

We talked about our mutual friends to get the scoop on peoples' lives. And after a while I finally got the courage to ask him if he was seeing anyone.

He told me off and on.

I felt relieved and then blurted out that I was in a relationship.

RedSox took the news very well. He actually didn't think we would be getting back together considering we didn't communicate too much while I was in colorado. He admitted that it hurt a little bit, but he'll always be there for me and care for me.

I told him I would do the same.

The rest of the evening was two good friends hanging out. We have talked here and there since, and I'm happy with that. I wish him the best and the woman who gets to be with him is going to be one of the luckiest girls in the world.

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NotMexican Comes to Boston!

And... he loves it!

Naturally...

Despite being a generally terrible tour guide, I put some effort into NotMexican's visit.

He arrived late Friday night, so we pretty much went home and shagged. I mean come on... it had been a week since I got some and that is a long time for me.

Saturday we woke up and I walked him over a whole chunk of the city. We started in Beacon Hill, walked down Charles St, crossed the gardens to Newbury St, walked down newbury and crossed Mass Ave, walking all the way to Fenway. We stopped at Boston Beer Works to have a beer and watch some World Cup. Then we walked all the way back to beacon hill.

Most of my friends know I'm a walker. Never had a car and not excited to ever have one.

We napped and then walked to Charlestown Navy Yard to go on a sailing cruise around the harbor. NotMexican LOVES the water and loved the trip.

That night I took him to Finale for dessert. YUM.

Sunday... we both were sick. He ached all over and had stomach issues. My food poisoning from the week prior made a comeback out the rear-end only. We hopped on to the commuter rail to see my parents in the burbs, and my mom took care of both of us for the rest of the day.

I think she loved it.

Now she wants NotMexican to visit more often, as do I. He's already booked his trip for the coming weeks.

If people haven't already signed up for the website Groupon, here is a link:

http://www.groupon.com/r/uu3206654

I got a $30 gift certificate to use for food AND alcohol at Finale. It's great for awesome deals in your city!

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Meet the Parents

I was very nervous introducing NotMexican to my parents. He is totally different from my other boyfriends, and well... Indian parents are very harsh. They don't quite put their kids interests before their own.

So I prepped NotMexican and told him what to say and what to wear. If my parents saw his tattoos, it would be all over. As much as I hated asking him to do this, he accepted that Indian parents are different. First impressions mean everything. After that, we can reveal the not so exciting truths.

My parents were kind and accepting but aloof. It really bother NotMexican and he was sure they hated him. I assured him that's not the case, but I'll talk to them. I told my parents that I love him. He's my choice in life. I don't know how things will ultimately pan out, but they better like him or else...

So they chose to like him.

I've been back in Boston for a few days now, settling into my apartment in Beacon Hill. It's all coming along and I can't wait for NotMexican to come visit this weekend!

Now if only this food poisoning would go away...

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Ginger :)

She's totally a Ginger and responds to the name and overall is a great dog. In the time that she's been with us, she has barked twice. Once when she saw another golden retriever and the second while she was sleeping.

She's beautiful and loving and I'm so glad NotMexican has her to keep him company when we're across the country from each other.

My parents and sister arrived yesterday. With everyone's different time zones I didn't get much sleep. But I'm glad they're here (especially to help me pack) and then I move into my apartment in Boston in a week from today.

CRAZY!

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oops my mistake

sorry about the last post and the freak out. NotMexican is in fact still employed. I somehow interpreted his venting about his boss and their meeting as being let go... when in fact he is still employed.

Next post... GINGER!

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Days to Come

I'll get a post up about the dog soon. I wanted to get pictures of her first and those are pending. In the meantime, much has transpired.

I've basically been spending every waking moment outside of the hospital with NotMexican. I move back to Boston in less than 2 weeks and it's finally starting to hit that we won't be able to see each other as often as we'd like.

Though we'll get a bit of a taste when my parents and sister arrive in 3 days. It's my birthday this weekend, so they're coming to celebrate that and father's day along with seeing colorado and helping me pack up to move back.

NotMexican will be at his brother's wedding, but then he'll meet the whole family on Sunday. I'm excited to introduce but I'm very nervous about it too.

It's funny because I've been coaching him a bit on Indian parents and his marketing professor (indian chick) has been coaching him as well. Both of us are basically teaching him how to sell himself to my parents.

Now I never wanted to ask NotMexican to lie... just use his future plans as his current truth. He is not to tell them that he finishing up undergrad at the age of 28. That, he is ok with.

But now... well today... he lost his job.

I am terrified to let my parents know any of this, because they will shoot me before they allow the man in my life to be the "cause" of struggles.

I know everything will be ok... but for now, I'm freaking out!

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Ginger vs. Molly

First I want to thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. This whole relationship thing is still relatively new to me, since I've prided myself on being a single girl at heart... a heart that is going through some changes for sure

I'll be moving back to Boston in one month. I can't believe it! While NotMexican and I have made some moves towards seeing each other and staying together, he decided he wanted to make another move as well.

We went to a shelter last night and got a golden retriver for him. He has been wanting a golden retriever for a really long time. He did all the research and there is a shelter in colorado that specifically takes in golden retrievers.

NotMexican was very specific. He wanted a boy, adult but not old, lighter hair color and gentle. We walked away with all the criteria except the dog is a girl.

She is wonderful minus the bad breath. She loves people, follows us everywhere, is quiet, slept the whole night without issues, already learned to go through the doggy door... and so much more.

Now NotMexican has someone with whom to cuddle while I'm not around. The only question is what to name her. Poor thing was essentially abused at her prior home, so we have to change her name to make sure the prior owners never find her again.

I like Molly... NotMexican likes Ginger.

I wish I had taken a pic for you guys, but any thoughts on what to name her?

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Two trips here, Two trip there

First and foremost, I should announce that I passed my board exam. Thank God! It's not my last board exam, but it's the last one that will involve all the topics of medicine I hate.

Ok, so I booked my trip to Denver in August to visit NotMexican. In fact, I booked a second trip in September for his birthday. There... I did it.

And no one could be happier than NotMexican. His biggest insecurity for the past couple of weeks was the fear that I wouldn't book a trip and thus hasten the demise of our relationship.

I don't want that... ever.

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Winding Down

My year in Denver is coming to a close. I've got one month left and it's gonna be crazy busy.

I've secured my apartment back in Boston. I'll be back in Beacon Hill, and I got a great deal for a 1 bedroom. The realtor was kind of a douchebag and relatively incompetant in my opinion, but I had to go through him to get this place. BTW, I had NO IDEA that a realtor fee in Boston would be an entire month's rent. So heinous... but in the long run still a good deal.

NotMexican has already booked his trip for 4th of July, so I'll only go a week without him, which should give me plenty of time to fix up my place. It's now my turn to book a trip in advance to come back to colorado to visit him... but I'm feeling hesitation.

I know that if I book the trip, I'm truly comitted to making this relationship work. And I've never been truly committed to making any relationship work. I still haven't told RedSox about him because I think it's rude to break that kind of news over facebook, email or text. I'm just overall feeling nervous I guess.

Plus I'm kind of down about work. My year of internal medicine didn't go as well as I hoped. I can't fake enthusiasm and in a female dominant field, the attendings made it very clear that they did not like my lack of interest. My only goal was/is to take care of patients, and for the most part I think I did as well as any other intern. I'm kind of annoyed that I was targeted for lacking enthusiasm when I know all my other co-preliminary interns had the same attitude... but fortunately for them... they had male advisors.

So much to do and hopefully this last month will fly. Of course, I'll be keeping you posted on the drama to ensue once I return to the Bean.

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In God We Trust

After my exam, i pretty much flew straight to Indonesia to spend a week with some ladies in the family. My mom was a spazz the whole time, but everyone else was chill and awesome. The trip was great, but I am so thankful to not live in a third world country.

The whole time, I missed NotMexican, too. Usually when I leave to do my own thing, I have so much fun and barely think about the guy I'm dating. It was different this time and sucked. I wanted him to see and do what I was doing, share it with me.

I also told my mom about him. I naturally left out the parts about him finishing up undergrad now and being divorced... so she likes him already!

Now of course in any relationship, I tend to think too much. I began creating scenarios in preparation for the future, and I've been really worried about NotMexican moving to Boston.

Here comes the terrible What If game...

What if he doesn't like Boston, what if he doesn't get a job, what if he doesn't get into grad school, what if this, what if that, what if what if...

It really started to affect me and I didn't know how to handle things.

And then we went to church yesterday and the sermon was pretty much about the What If game... and the minister asked, "

What if you just had faith?"

It was all I needed to hear, and now I've put our relationship in God's hands and feel SO MUCH BETTER.

Oh and I didn't freak out when NotMexican told me he wanted to marry me and have kids with me. Ok I freaked a titch...

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Day 1 of 2 done

I just finished my first day of the Step 3 exam. It sucked... 8 hours straight answering questions.

I strolled back to my hotel afterward and walked into my room to find flowers waiting for me.

NotMexican sent them.

Don't you wish you were dating him?

I sent him an I Love You text. Seriously, who have I become?

He replied:
I love you Roxy. Very much in love with you and I like it. Every day I realize I would give the world for you and pray to God about it. Corny maybe... but true.

Don't you all just wanna vomit? (try not to though as it'll result in hypokalemia)

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A Good Freak-Out

So I'm freaking out... and not about my board exam in 3 days.

NotMexican (i should really change that name... sorry digressing)

Ok

NotMexican told me he loved me.

kussmaul breathing... (sorry I'm supposed to be studying)

I said it back.

Hyperventilating and bringing down intracranial pressure (sorry, again I really should be studying)

It's wonderful, but I'm scared.

I've never been in love before and it's freaking me out. Mostly because I'm doing the what-if thing and future thinking. (I can't find my Power of Now book, dammit!)

He told me he loved me. He told me he's trying to figure out how to get to Boston. It will probably be a year from now.

Which gives me more than enough time to fuck it all up!

OMG... I'm in love!

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Official

A few nights ago after going out NotMexican sends me this series of texts:

I have to tell you. I tried hard not to let it happen because I figure if it does then it's real. I am freaking crazy about you. And I need to figure out how to get you to stay and not move back to Boston.

I see good things with you. Great things.

We need to talk.

I have never really had the talk with any guy I've dated. Not even with RedSox whom I dated for THREE years.

I relied on it actually. It allowed me to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted because then I wouldn't be a cheater.

NotMexican and I went out the night after the texts and talked very little actually. We became official and promised we would enjoy what time we have left.

So that's what we're doing... as boyfriend and girlfriend.

And now it's time to meet all of his friends...

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Bankruptcy

I was out with NotMexican last week and we were randomly watching The Apprentice. He told me that Donald Trump has filed for bankruptcy twice in his lifetime. I was rather surprised as he's never been anything other than a billionaire to me.

The next time NotMexican and I were together, we were lying in bed and talking. He told me that he was testing me when he told me about Donald Trump.

ok????

I didn't quite get it until he revealed that he was filing for bankruptcy himself. I didn't know what to say because it just didn't make sense. He pays for everything when we go out. He seemed comfortable and set. I have no idea what filing for it means.

He also told me that while he is waiting for his tenants to move out of his house, he is living with his parents which is why he didn't want me coming over.

If this was any other guy, I think I would be more bothered. But I can also understand this is a tough time and it's embarrassing.

And I don't care. I think I love him.

I can't believe I just said that.

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Sometimes I hate being a girl

So things are going really well with NotMexican... but they could be going better.

And that statement right there is why I hate being a girl.

I want to see him all the time. I want to talk to him all the time. I get super giddy when my text message beep goes off and it's him.

He also says the right things... but I want more.

The other day we were texting and he told me I'm on his mind often, asking if that was a good thing.

Since I'm a bit of a snob, I replied that I should be on his mind all the time.

After a lot of banter back and forth that lead to medical explanations, he finally cut to the chase and said he wanted to know if he was on my mind.

Well yes... of course.

So you see we have great text conversations. We see each other appropriately. We have great sex every time...

But I'm a freakin girl and I want more.

I want all the time.

Man I hate relationships.

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Narrowing down to one?

I don't why i'm all of a sudden growing up, but lately I've been thinking about narrowing my dating ways to that of a mature person... and trying to date only one man.

It may suck for this blog, but knowing me... it won't last.

I've been dating this new guy NotMexican pretty consistently now. I know it's only been a few weeks, but I like him a lot.

He pushes my buttons in all the right ways. He's bluntly honest. He called me a snob and said he liked it. He's started learning my ways and adjusting his habits alongside mine.

And the sex... oooo the sex... very enjoyable indeed :)

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Whack a Mole

Why is it that men from the past always pop up out of the ground at the same time?

On Friday, my building had a small wine-tasting and a potential sugar daddy from the past who happens to own the store hosting the tasting was there. I sadly did not get to enjoy the tasting as I was studying (pat on back).

On my way out the door later in the evening to enjoy a drink with my new guy NotMexican, my concierge stopped me. Apparently the sugar daddy asked him to tell me to call. He lost his phone and thus lost my number. It's kinda funny since he lost his phone the day before we were supposed to hang out. I was convinced he was just not that into me.

Now months later, he's back in the picture. If he turns into something, I'll be sure to let you know.

But of course he's not the only to pop back into the picture. Fargo has returned. We briefly dated in the fall, but I just couldn't stand his accent. He texted me saturday night saying he missed me. If he could shut up the whole time, maybe we could try again.

Then of course the Author. He is so in and out all the time, I just don't bother anymore. Author texted me today asking to hang out. He is so weird. We'll text and try to make plans and then he'll fall off the face of the earth for a bit. I of course keep going with my other men, so it doesn't bother me, but I'm kinda at the point where I'm just not sure I'm interested anymore.

All these guys popping back up... and I'm still seeing ScottyAvs and now NotMexican.

This should be very interesting...

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Oh the marine...God Bless America

So one of my neighbors in our groups of friends is the Marine. He's 24, very handsome, very intelligent. My friend... just friend... yeah right.

He broke up with girlfriend a couple of months ago and we all continued to hang out as friends... just friends.

Saturday night I needed a drink. All of our neighbors were out of town, so I called Marine to join me because we're friends... just friends.

Marine and I drink... we keep drinking... the bartender decides to try out some drinks on us... we're drunk.

And we do what we always do.

We go back to his apartment, play Wii and watch cash cab.

This time he decided to lie on top of me.

Then he decided to kiss me.

Then we were naked in his bedroom.

All he can say is "Why didn't this happen before?"

And I replied "because you had a girlfriend."

And then I passed out, woke up naked, forgot where I was, quickly realized what happened... then got up and went about my day.

Because this is what I do.

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Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope you all had a wonderful valentine's day. I know the day is not necessarily about flowers, chocolates and gifts. But let's be freakin honest... I LOVE THEM!

I tend not to put any pressure of the guy(s) I'm dating as I have very little faith in men to be at all romantic. So it's always a happy surprise when they do something.

Arena sent me a text... cute... I haven't seen him since he dropped the baby bomb.

ScottyAvs apologized (I can't believe it either) for not coming up with any plans, but he last-minute took me to a nice dinner and bought flowers.

What a cutie!

I rode him extra hard for that. ;)

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Arena's surprise

I invited Arena to come out for a happy hour last night. We drank quite a bit and enjoyed hanging out with my neighbors. While out, he told me he had to tell me something.

I always hate that ominous vibe.

We kept drinking and naturally I was pretty drunk when we finally got back to my place, had sex and then started talking. Come on... I gotta get some before bad news kills the mood ok!

Arena had told me a few weeks ago that his job was going to end in a couple of months. He told me he might do some traveling.

What he broke to me last night is that he'll have to head back to Iowa because his ex-girlfriend is due to have a baby girl around that time.

It gets better.

They had actually been TRYING to have a baby together. She got pregnant and told him that she had cheated. Somebody call Maury. Arena is not sure if the baby is his.

I am totally ok with this for 2 reasons.

1. Arena and I were not going to last
2. His problem... not mine

I'm not sure if he wants support or what, but I'm just not that interested in his baby mama drama. Been there, done that only a few months ago.

I am interested in continuing to see him... after all... the sex is fantastic!

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the Author writes again

After a date last night that ended in a quick goodbye kiss, I headed to the bar in my building for more drinks. My night wasn't over just cos my date was sick and had to drive 30 minutes home.

I sat at the bar and texted a whole bunch of new neighbor friends to join me, but I also included Author as I knew he was sick in bed and wanted to stick it to him since I haven't seen nor heard from him in 2 months.

He replied and actually joined me for a drink. Poor thing was coughing, but I didn't let him get away with a sick excuse. I wanted to know where he was mentally and physically over the past 2 months.... actually one month as I knew December was his product launch month.

So what happened in January?

For the entire month he isolated himself because he was in negotiations to sell his company. It was a huge stressor (and probably was led to him becoming sick). I understood that, but to not to even get a text was saddening.

He claims he texted me last week with a big apology and hoping to hang out. When he didn't hear from me by the next day, he assumed I was upset with him and done.

I didn't get this alleged text. He thinks his reception in the mountains might be the culprit. I think I really don't care as he looked so cute and I just wanted to fuck him.

oops... TMI

But that's exactly what happened last night. :)

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Cougar Cub

I spent most of my 20s dating men in their 30s and 40s. I thought it was the intelligent thing to do as they seemed more put together, more mature, more experienced... and well... they hit on me more than guys in their 20s.

Until Now.

Maybe it's because there are more men in their 20s at bars than any other decade, but I am definitely getting more attention from the younger guys. I think I blatantly look my age, 28, so I'm not sure what is going on.

What I can tell you is that I LOVE IT.

I recently started seeing Arena. He's a couple years younger than I am and a professional arena football player despite the demise of the league. He's got a great body but isn't too beefy. He's a wide receiver (my favorite! along with quarterbacks).

Arena invited me over yesterday for an afternoon of "cuddling." Yeah right... like I can cuddle. Well we started out that way and naturally progressed to more fun activities.

O... O... O...

get it?

Arena has an unbelievable amount of energy and stamina. I don't think I've ever had a guy go that long and multiple times. What was I thinking avoiding men in their 20s?

No more...

I may not be at the age to have the official title of cougar, but I can only get older ;)

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OleMiss Colorado recap

OleMiss was crazy busy with work the entire time he was in Colorado. It made for very late nights if we got together. In the week he was here, I got to see him 3 times. I'd say that's pretty good considering I was also going out on dates with other men.

Where do I find this time? I'll never know.

On our last night together, we were having drinks at the bar across the street and one of my neighbors comes in. Now this is my 60 year old neighbor whom I love. He is pretty much the mayor of my building.

He sits with us for food and drinks and the first thing he says is "Roxy! I always see you with a different guy!"

I'm not about to hide it ;)

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Bringing the South to Denver

OleMiss arrived yesterday and pretty much got right down to business. We agreed to meet for drinks after work. I was on call but got out with plenty of time and we met at the bar in my building.

He looked great, much healthier. He complimented me as well and the drinking began.

I asked him how things were going with Bethie. He told me that he's trying to figure out how to break up with her. She is way too clingy on their 3rd go-around and he is not in love with her anymore.

That's all I wanted to hear.

After several glasses of wine and a couple of beers, we end up back at his hotel. Naturally we hit the bed and had sex.

Sadly with all the alcohol, I don't remember much of it this morning... but OleMiss is here for the rest of the week so I'm sure I'll be back in his hotel room more often than not.

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New Year... same me

In moving to Colorado, I thought I would use my free time to reflect on myself and work on self-improvement. Reality check... I have very little free time. And what little I have, I want to use to have fun.

In thinking about New Years resolutions, I thought I might stop using craigslist for dating. But then I realized I'd have to go out more often to meet men for dates and I just don't have the time to do that.

And that would leave all of you with very little to read. Perish the thought!

A few tidbits of what has been going on with men in my life:

MetroSteve returned to Denver. He didn't tell me. I just bumped into him on the elevator in our building. It was very awkward from his end, and I'm fairly certain the less-attractive-than-me chick with him was the reason. I don't have time for his insecurity. I wished him a happy new year and skipped off the elevator in my stilettos.

OleMiss is coming to Denver for business tomorrow. I may have mentioned a few months ago that he called me in the middle of the night and did this whole "what if we were in the same city" bit... and only told me he got back together with his ex 2 months after they were together. Well they're on the rocks again (no surprise) and he and I will be in the same city...

ScottAvs is a man I may never have mentioned. We went out a couple times. He loves hockey and I love hockey players... I mean I love hockey too. We recently reconnected and he's falling hard for me. I wish I was more into him.

Author was so busy the entire month of december with some product launch that I'm fairly certain we're done.

I went on facebook and saw RedSox's new years photos from the Bahamas. I actually felt jealous when I saw him with other girls.

AccountExec gets back from visiting family for the holidays this week. I'm hoping his new year's resolution is to get over his ex and get a hard on that lasts long enough for us to have sex.

There are some other boys in the works, but none too exciting as of yet. We'll see where 2010 goes...

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