Residency Rage

I think if I bit someone right now, I'd infect them with rage... 

I had my first session with a new therapist on Wednesday to talk about my anger issues. Basically everything is setting me off. If I don't show it on the outside, it's destroying me on the inside. The whole residency process is stressful. I have to keep track of a lot of things, and when my parents get involved, stress skyrockets and anger ensues.

On Wednesday, I laid everything out on the table for my therapist and she feels like learning to deal with my parents is going to be the major focus during our time together. At the end of the session, she told me to try and keep track of things that are getting me angry.

Let me tell you what just happened, since this will probably be the entire focus of my next therapy session.

Today my mom called me on the way home from work. She was in the car with my dad. She was wicked excited on the phone telling me that Denver sent a letter to my parents' house and made me an offer outside of the match for my preliminary year.

Before I reacted I had two questions:

1. Why did Denver send the letter to my parents' address?

2. Why did Dad open mail addressed to me?

I told my mom this was a lot to take in, and I'm working my shift at the gym so I'll call when it's over. At the time that I call, I want her to READ the EXACT words in the letter to me. 

I called Sister and told her the news. She was beyond elated. She kept raving about how exciting this offer is, how I can cancel the rest of my prelim interviews and focus on radiology, how awesome Denver would be for a year, etc etc. 

For the rest of my shift I went over the option with several co-workers, getting their thoughts. I processed the offer, and was getting pretty excited myself. I didn't expect it all. Hell, my 'thank you' letters haven't even arrived in Denver.

I called my mom the second I got home. She tells me dad made a mistake, then reads the letter to me. It was basically a letter saying "thanks for coming, call if you have any questions." At the bottom the residency director hand-wrote "Come to Denver," which I'm sure he writes on all the letters.

This was a courtesy letter, an encouraging letter, but NOT an offer to bypass the Match and join the intern class next year. I was FUMING. I yelled at my mom about dad opening my mail. He should not have done that, nor said anything since he's not in medicine and doesn't know anything about the Match. She, in turn, should not have called me without reading the letter herself.

For the last 2 hours, I was pacing around telling everyone. My co-workers, Sister, RedSox... all these people think I've got an offer in Denver and it turns out I don't. 

I feel embarrassed, upset... bummed out. I am FUMING with anger, I can't really move.

I have plenty of material for my next session with my therapist... and my dad didn't think I needed to see one.

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Tap the Rockies

I just had my first interviews for the preliminary year in Denver. The first interview I kinda screwed up a bit. She asked me why I didn't want to become a regular medicine doctor, and I hadn't prepped that question. I faltered a bit, but basically told her I LOVE medicine but I was highly influenced by my radiology rotations and felt my personality fit well in radiology.

My second interview was with the residency director himself. He pretty much read me my letters of recommendation, my dean's letter, all the positives about me and told me that he would love to have me there. It was really cool to hear and when he put the ball in my court, I took the bait and ran with it.

Once the interview was over, I was able to focus on another reason to visit Denver... WhiteRapper.

I haven't seen him since we met over a year ago. We've chatted here and there, but after my last trip to Denver got cancelled by a snowstorm I figured that was God's way of telling me to stick with RedSox.

With my invitation to interview in Denver, I took it as a sign that I just need to be Roxy a little bit longer.

WhiteRapper picked me up the night before my interview. He had green tea for me upon arrival at baggage claim. We drove back to his place and he cooked me dinner. I told him ahead of time that I do not want to drink the night before my interview so he kept me well hydrated with water. We spent quite a while talking and then went to bed... his bed.

I couldn't sleep so we chatted most of the night. He rubbed my back to calm my nerves and instead it excited some different nerves. I told him I wanted to cuddle... and then I told him I wanted more. I fell right asleep afterwards... completely satisfied.

We woke up the next morning early. After my shower, I was greeted with a healthy breakfast and green tea. Then I met WhiteRapper's son...

For a little bit of background, WhiteRapper had a terribly rocky on-off relationship with his girlfriend of 7 years. He got her pregnant in Boston... right after I met him in my home town.

The little guy is the cutest baby ever. He let me hold him. He held my hands as I helped him learn to walk. He grabbed the cross around my neck and learned the word Jesus. I quickly apologized to WhiteRapper because I know mom is Hindu. What?...

Every morning he made me breakfast. He planned our days of hiking and checking out Colorado. He paid for everything, and appropriately let me buy things. He bought me a beautiful Alexis Bittar bracelet as a congrats gift after my interview.

I had a great time with WhiteRapper.... finally spending an adequate amount of time together after meeting on MySpace 4 years ago.

I know some of you disagree with my behavior, and I'm not going to defend it. I don't follow socially acceptable practices or typical morals. I do what I feel... and this past weekend I felt like tapping the Rockies.

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Pot Meet Kettle *Guest Blogger!*

The following is post a friend of mine wanted to post on his blog, but due to the vicious attitude of fellow bloggers, he felt it better to get this rant of his chest elsewhere. I have adjusted the post a bit to be fair to all since I don't know the woman of whom he speaks.

Someone should alert Kelly of The Unbearable Heaviness of BEING BLOG  to the fact that exposing someone's HIV status along with his name and the name of his long-term girlfriend is ILLEGAL. I don't know why I read her blog. It's all fun and games until someone loses his/her mind (as my brother says). 

Kelly has lost her mind.

The short story is that some dude she was screwing for 2 years, who was never her boyfriend AND told her to her face that he wasn't monogamous, turned out to have a long-term girlfriend. Outraged that this guy, aka her long-term-f*ck-buddy-and-NOTHING-more, didn't wish to promise his undying love to a mental patient, she did some online sleuthing. She found the girlfriend's information, contacted her... and drama ensued.

The girlfriend, I think, told Kelly that the boyfriend is HIV positive. I say "I think" because there are so many holes in Kelly's story that it resembles swiss cheese. Who knows what is true?

Kelly didn't make the guy wear a condom every time* so I know she's writing this post after the post about her deadly secret. But don't ask her to reveal it!!!! Duh...

In a state of rage one night, she writes a blog post about the guy and his girlfriend, calls them both by their REAL FULL NAMES and states he is HIV positive.

Since she won't shut the f*ck up about it, ANOTHER f*cked-up bully blogger looking for a cat fight writes about the story on her blog and repeats the names along with Kelly's name. Whatever. 

Kelly feels violated. She is a demented hypocrite who needs to get a life and seek treatment before she's homeless and rocking back and forth talking to her hands. There should be a law against bloggers who use their blogs as buly pulpits. Arrest them! Or take away their computers or something. This is out of hand.

*if the whole damn story is true and he is in fact positive AND didn't tell her, then he sucks and should be put in jail alongside her. She says he falsified a test and lied about being positive. I seriously can't keep all the details straight.

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Disproportionality

I am soooooooo sorry I haven't written. Though I must say, there hasn't been much going on. I'm still a stressball about residency applications, but what I'm finding is that my only prelim-year interview is Denver. This is surprising, because I officially have 4 interview offers for radiology.

I was expecting to struggle with rads over prelim, but after talking to the doctor at my clinic today I feel better. She imagines that since I'm only going to be at a hospital for one year, that hospital would probably care more about interviewing the people who plan to stay for a full program in Internal Medicine.

It makes sense, but still... I've applied all over the damn country for this ONE year. It's kinda nerve-wracking that I might have to fly out somewhere at the drop of a hat and for a huge chunk of change (luckily not my change, so I don't have THAT much stress).

I admitted to my mom yesterday that I didn't apply anywhere in Boston for the one year transition/prelim. She was not happy... neither was RedSox.

But I gotta put me first because I'm sure you'll all agree that you can't take care of someone until you can take care of yourself.

I'm still working on myself.

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