Therapeutic Homework

In the aftermath of our terrible weekend, both NotMexican and I had an emotionally drained week apart.

NotMexican went to see his therapist and he came out of it with a homework assignment for the both of us.

We had to take 1st Corinthians, Chapter 13, verses 4-7 and replace the word Love with our name and each other's name... and then discuss.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It was an awesome exercise and great discussion. The best part is that we took it seriously and didn't take offense when talking about how one person felt about the other.

And that's why I know NotMexican and I will work.

We have incredibly mature adult conversation without getting defensive.

The question is... can our wonderful phone and email conversations happen IN PERSON?

That is our challenge and homework assignment from now onwards.

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In God We Trust

After my exam, i pretty much flew straight to Indonesia to spend a week with some ladies in the family. My mom was a spazz the whole time, but everyone else was chill and awesome. The trip was great, but I am so thankful to not live in a third world country.

The whole time, I missed NotMexican, too. Usually when I leave to do my own thing, I have so much fun and barely think about the guy I'm dating. It was different this time and sucked. I wanted him to see and do what I was doing, share it with me.

I also told my mom about him. I naturally left out the parts about him finishing up undergrad now and being divorced... so she likes him already!

Now of course in any relationship, I tend to think too much. I began creating scenarios in preparation for the future, and I've been really worried about NotMexican moving to Boston.

Here comes the terrible What If game...

What if he doesn't like Boston, what if he doesn't get a job, what if he doesn't get into grad school, what if this, what if that, what if what if...

It really started to affect me and I didn't know how to handle things.

And then we went to church yesterday and the sermon was pretty much about the What If game... and the minister asked, "

What if you just had faith?"

It was all I needed to hear, and now I've put our relationship in God's hands and feel SO MUCH BETTER.

Oh and I didn't freak out when NotMexican told me he wanted to marry me and have kids with me. Ok I freaked a titch...

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Meet the parents

Yesterday I spent Easter with RedSox's family. I figured church to lunch and back to studying.

It turned into an all-day affair, but it was fantastic and MUCH needed.

Right before the church service I had minor chest pains of nerves. I had already met his dad. Nothing special, just quick hellos at sox and celtics games. Now I was meeting the entire family... i'm talking cousins, aunt, uncles, grandparents.

I don't know if any family could have made me feel more welcome. His mom is EXACTLY like my mom, the sweet little old lady whom everyone loves. His dad has the presence of Tony Soprano, but is really a gentle person. His sister was very outgoing and friendly, as were everyone else. His grandpa was the cutest old man ever. He was pretty much blind, but so sweet and nice. He kinda sat by himself most of the time because he has slowed down quite a bit at 93 years old, but I could tell he was happy to just have his family around.

Nobody questioned our relationship. I find that odd, because I was very much expecting, "sooooo... how did you meet?" To which I would have to pause as my mind said craigslist, but my mouth said "At a redsox game."

Just a sidenote tip for anyone who is nervous/embarrassed about admitting to internet dating: Saying you met at a bar, restaurant, coffee shop, park or wherever you ACTUALLY did meet in person for the first time is NOT a lie ;)

The meal took all day because each course required time to eat and chat. Then one had to walk around a bit and exercise it off. We "kids" went off to play Nintendo wii. (I now officially must have one). At the end of the day, I was shocked to find out it was almost 8pm.

RedSox asked me if I was staying over, and as much as I wanted to I had to face the reality of back to studying. I am feeling much better about school, though, thanks to yesterday. There is a certain reassurance I feel when I get the support of Christians. My life is entirely faith-based, but I'm only human and it's very difficult to let God handle things when I want to be in control.

His mother, father and family made it clear that it's ok... much in the same way my family would... except better.

I'm off to school now, and as for RedSox... I am looking forward to the future.

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Pre-Marital Sex

RedSox grew up in a Christian home just like I did. He has a super religious mom just like mine. I feel very comfortable talking about religious stuff with him, and he knows the Bible better than anyone I know. He's a good boy... dating a bad girl.

RedSox and I started out dating, dropped down to the friendship level, then picked things up with a hook-up... a hook-up that I initiated. We didn't have sex though, and I'm pretty sure I was the only one who wound up naked.

After a while (2 weeks) of no-sex hook-ups, I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped him and demanded sex. He was hesistant, "I haven't had sex in a really long time." Umm me neither. It's been a few weeks.

I later found out a long time for him was 2 years, and I felt proud that I could break his dry-spell.

This past Sunday RedSox came to church with me. Right before the service ended, the pastor announced a seminar called "Sex and Dating" was to follow the service. RedSox punched my leg and asked if I brought him to church to attend the seminar. I told him I had no intention of going.

The truth is that I did want to go, but I hadn't thought about it since I was supposed to be in Denver. We didn't end up going, but we discussed the topic on the ride back to his place. Redsox boldly asked, "why do you have pre-marital sex?"

After a tirade of bullshit, I told him the truth. I am not perfect. I'm last in line to get into Heaven, if I even am allowed in. I am not doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I am going to do.

I'm afraid of what will happen without sex. Sex is my weapon. It is my defense. I don't have to have deep discussions with my partner. I don't have to get to know him. Best of all, I don't have to let him in to get to know me.

It was a bit of a shocker to realize that... let alone admit it. I turned to RedSox and apologized for pressuring him into sex. I knew I did at the time, but I never took his feelings or thoughts into consideration.

I told him that if he wanted to slow down or even stop having sex, I would be willing to try. We didn't have sex that night, but I'm not sure if we will stop.

I do know that we will slow down, truly get to know each other and try to have a pre-marital relationship.

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The Holy Trinity

My mom gets upset when I don't tell her anything about my life, but often she's more disturbed when I do open up. Mom is very religious. At the end of the day, she is essentially Jesus' #1 fan.

I rarely talk to my parents about anything. I don't care for advice unless it's financial from dad. I only talk to mom when I need a prescription... although I should probably try to ride out my illnesses since I am now resistant to most antibiotics.

A couple of years ago my mom asked me about my dating. A regular Indian kid would have denied dating, but I chose to lay it all out minus internet dating. So I started talking about the current guys in my life. I think there were a couple of lawyers and a CEO. I told her about all the restaurants they took me to, the cars they drove, the money they made... everything any mother would drool over.

I kept her updated on my dating, and the guys would change. She could never keep track of my different mens and often asked "whatever happened to the lawyer?" "Which one?" was always my response.

I kept track of the men I dated. I kept track of the restaurants, the theaters, the movies, the sporting events, the travel, etc etc. I was in control of it all.

But then things started to get out of control. My harem grew. I had to buy a planner just to keep every guy straight. Men called me all the time. All of them kept fighting for my time, and I gave in to the point where I no longer honored the sabbath. I became incredibly stressed out.

Finally I had enough. I needed to take care of myself. I broke it off with all of the men in my life and made a sort-of new years resolution to never date more than three guys at a time.

A holy trinity of sorts... mom would be proud.

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