Ick

Over the past couple of weeks I've been feeling friendless. I have many friends, but most are not in Boston. The few who are in Boston are not really up for the same stuff I am anymore.

My last roomate and I became really good friends and we've been trying to hang out forever. Last night we finally did.

We got together for drinks and talked forever about what's going on. Then her roomate called and asked us to join her at the Skank. 

The skank was a typical shit-show of crazy drunken fun. We were wasted. I was more wasted than I have been in a long time, but one thing I did that I haven't done in forever was have disgusting chinese food at the end of the night. 

It's 6pm and I'm still feeling the "ick" from last night. My head is a little swirly and my stomach is pissed. My personal trainer wanted me to go to Saint tonight. I was super excited, but I just cancelled cos I need to feel better for a rockin day of studying tomorrow.

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What does it take nowadays?

It's pretty sad that no matter how hard one works or how far one goes in education, it's no longer good enough.

With every radiologist I meet, all make it a point not to get my hopes up. One residency director took a nice shit on me because of my scores. Another tells me I better "stand out" without giving any specifics.

During my surgery rotation (i'll never get over this so suck it up) attendings, residents and nurses loved putting down med students. Granted there's a certain personality type that works in that level of hell, but it is horrible that we have to be subjected to the abuse. 

It destroyed me, and I couldn't be myself for the rest of the year. I was terrified of anyone with a longer white coat or colorful scrubs, and I know it took a toll on my grades. 

In addition, Tufts decided to make it MUCH harder to get honors by reprimanding attendings and putting score requirements for shelf exams. Low and behold, I could never get honors because I could never get the score I needed. 

So now I have nothing to back me up as a person (yes that's what 3rd year grades are supposed to show) when my board scores suck. 

Thanks Tufts. This is why Harvard alumni actually donate back to the school. THEY GOT HELP!

This cycle of deprecation is getting younger and younger. One attending told me that his ENTIRE family went to Tufts and his nephew got rejected. Not that being a legacy should be the only reason for an acceptance, but this is a smart kid! Another attending has a daughter who is a straight A student and directed several school plays, but her guidance counselor told her she had no shot at BU or BC. (WHAT???? BU was my safety!!)

I am afraid to have children in this world because they're going to be almost entirely be judged by numbers. It's just getting worse and worse. WHAT WILL IT TAKE?

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I don't take it back

OleMiss and I chat sporadically on gchat. Today he told me he studied all day for the GMAT. I told him I WISH I could study for the GMAT instead of my step 2 exam.

We got to talking freely as usual and the residency application process of course came up. I told him that once I match I bet my mom is gonna push for marriage.

He asked me if I would cave in... and I  told him I pretty much have caved my whole life. I want my parents' money and I mostly have to do what they want to get it.

He said that I can't get married because I'm his back-up.

I don't like being a back-up. I should be first. I'm good-looking, got a great brain, a tight ass, fabulous hair (minus the bald spot) and a strong (VERY STRONG) appreciation for alcohol. 

OleMiss agreed... except I'm up in Boston. 

Without thinking I told him to move back.

And that's where our conversation died. I'm not the type of girl to read too much into anything, so all I have to say is I meant it... I don't take it back.

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Case Report: Chest Pain in a 27yr Female

I woke up at 5am on wednesday with chest pain. I felt nauseated. This was almost classic for a heart attack, but since I'm 27, female, non-white, in great shape and STRESSED OUTTA MY FREAKIN MIND... I concluded that I most likely had a panic attack.

I kinda wanna get an EKG anyways just to frame it and stick it on my wall... but I digress.

I had my third presentation in 4 weeks on Friday. Since I was doing chest radiology, I chose cystic fibrosis. My presentation went well and one of the docs told me it was classy and I definitely made an impression.

GREAT! except... I didn't study at all for my step 2 exam since I was freaking out about the presentation. 

The anxiety didn't go away once I finished either because Saturday my mom had a dinner party for all of the bone radiologists. 

Normally this is awesome because they're all like family and we get wasted together. This time, though, they all heard a rumor that I was applying to radiology. 

Dr. P: I hear you might be applying to radiology. Great move. You should do musculoskeletal radiology. We have the best lifestyle. Look at me. I'm on call tonight and I'm on my 3rd beer. hahaha

Me: hahaha. How is it that you know exactly what to say to convince me? I love drinking. Let's hope you don't get called tonight.

Later that night Dr. P's wife saw me give RedSox a peck on the lips and she screamed "OMG is this your boyfriend???" 

I kinda said nothing and grabbed another drink. Luckily too many people were wasted to care.

Overall the night went well. 

Today, RedSox treated me to a massage for the stress because tomorrow I start GI radiology. I'm praying they don't care about a presentation.

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Dad's dating tips...

... stolen from MSN dating articles.

I've written about this before. My dad is obsessed with dating. He lives vicariously through me like a gossipy girl. When my mom disapproves of my behavior, dad usually loves it.

One of his favorite things to do is read MSN dating/relationship advice. Occasionally he emails an article to me and my sister.

This latest one had me cracking up, so I figured I'd share and offer my opinions as well.

Five Money Questions You Must Ask Your Man

1. How much do you make?
HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Ok I'm sorry, but this is a horrible question to flat out ask a guy until you're 100% sure he's the one. If you're smooth, like me, it will most likely come out in random conversation. My advice: If you wanna know, talk about your salary goals then ask his goals. At the very least you'll figure out what he's NOT making.

2. Got any debt?
HAHAHAHA. Ok not as funny as number one, but still. Debt is a sensitive topic for many people. Again, not something to bring up until it's time for marriage because only then will it matter. In the meantime here's my advice: Never date (for marriage) a doctor or lawyer who is within 5 years of graduation. Most graduate with about $200,ooo in debt unless their parents ponied up. In the meantime, let him wine and dine you because it's not your problem.

3. Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?
I like this question, but not on the first date. This is one that should wait until after the honeymoon period. Bail if he plans to go back to school without having a solid savings first.

4. Are we going dutch?
I've made my feelings on this very clear. His answer better be NO or this is the last time he gets to see me. At the same time, make sure he's cool with you being a working gal. It would suck if in the long run you'd have to ask him for money every time you wanted something.

5. How many kids?
HAHAHAHAHA. ok seriously, don't even come close to asking this question until you know there's a chance of a future. Sure kids are expensive, but I think it's better to want the same number of kids rather than worry about the cost of having them. I personally want 1 boy and 1 girl. I'd be happy with just 1 boy. I'd be in for a lot of trouble if I had a girl like myself... financially and emotionally.

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Muscles & Bones

Lunch time chit-chat with mom

mom: so Tom Brady was here today.

Roxy: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Why didn't you call me???!!!!!

mom: I didn't know I should have. 

Roxy: MOM. He is WAAAAY too HOT not to call. Don't do that again!

mom: Should I have called when Mike Lowell and Curt Shilling were here?

Roxy: AHHHHHHHH!!!! YES! Why didn't you?

mom (manipulative tone): Well why don't you do your fellowship in musculoskeletal radiology and then you can be here yourself.

Roxy: ugh.......

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Into the Mist

The send-off for Gorilla last night was very.... drunk.

We started out on my roofdeck with wine. Lots and lots of wine. Then hit up the Skank, which is one of our fave places for a ladies' night.

I took about 120 pictures. I only remember taking the first 20.

We drank plenty more and hit the dance floor. Some people were crazy on the dance floor. I don't remember any of it, but I have the pictures on my camers.

I made friends with a girl in the bathroom who was wearing my dress in a different color.

I hit the wall and peaced out as I usually do and ended up meeting up with RedSox at a bar by my place. He was sending a friend off to new york as well.

I yelled at him for about 20 minutes and then went home.

This morning I woke up on the couch in a haze but not hungover. I have this trick now where I fill a glass with water before I go out and drink it before I go to bed.

I sat up and waved goodbye.

Enjoy New York city Gorilla! The City of MEN!!!!

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void

I'm feeling pretty sad tonight.

Gorilla moves to NYC on Sunday.

Though she's not the last of the girlz to leave Boston (Ruby is all over the place)... it sure feels like the summer after graduating college when all my college girls moved out of Boston.

I've got some great gal pals in med school, but we're all focused on our futures, so it's tough. Madge is in Peru. One is in Philly. Another is in DC.  The other... well I'm sure she's doing a rotation in Boston.. but the fact is we're all freaking busy.

Couple this with me being a little tipsy right now... and stressed about step 2 (and I haven't even signed up for it yet)... life is not great.

I'm pretty sure that if I match in radiology... it's going to be at MGH... in Boston....

I'm pretty sure that though I will LOVE radiology... I will be sad in Boston. 

There will pressure to marry RedSox (who is great and wonderful, but not it right now).  

I will be 33 years-old by the time I finish residency and have another chance to leave Boston... and my risk of trisomy 21 will have sky-rocketed... and i'll probably be ugly... oy.

I need to stop. 

I'm trying to be thankful and faithful and happy... but life would be so much better if I had died at 22 as I had hoped. Sorry to be morbid, but the height of life is the way to go (look at heath ledger being nominated for an oscar for freakin batman!)

I'm going to bed. I've got another gruesome day of studying tomorrow that will hopefully boost my chances of... something... 

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$$Hamptons$$

I learned on wednesday that everyone from Boston, except me cancelled on Sam's birthday in the Hamptons. I could not believe that close to 30 people RSVPed yes, and I'm the only one that actually came. 

I was feeling uneasy about how the weekend would go, but it turned out to be a blast.

After breakfast Friday morning, we hopped into a car and made the treck out into the depths of Long Island. The Hamptons house... fabulous. Pool, tennis court, basketball court, sandy volleyball court, pool table, foosball, etc. Tons of bedrooms and bathrooms.

I studied for a bit and then jumped in the pool. By 9pm, the house was filled with about 40 people. We got dressed and hit up Dune for the night. One of the guys hooked the house up with a table and bottles for the night. It was a lot of drinking, dancing on the seats and cheering as Sam turned 30 around midnight.

We headed home close to the club's closing and I slept until noon on Saturday. Brunch was a typical hungover, grease-fest for most people. Afterwards I studied, then we hit up a bar along the beach known for kicking the booze up a notch. That night, we went to Pink Elephant. 

The table was sponsored by Pedro. I'm sure he won't like his credit card bill come September since it cost him close to $2000, but I can assure you the rest of us didn't care. Pink Elephant is known for being one of the most expensive venues in the Hamptons, and the crowd made that very clear. Nearly every table was paid for by old men... surrounded by beautiful women more than happy NOT to pay a dime.

I had dreams of money when I went to bed that night. I woke up early on Sunday morning and got back to NYC with enough time to ride OleMiss before I headed back up to Boston.

Overall a fabulous time. 

HAPPY 30th SAM!!!

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Enough with the Rivalry

"I had sex 6 times yesterday with 2 different guys" I told Sam and Pedro as we got breakfast Friday morning.

I arrived at Jon's on wednesday evening. He greeted me near the subway stop wearing an unattractive po' boy hat. All the fantasizing I had done earlier was gone. I didn't feel as excited to see him as I thought I would. 

We got to his place and I dropped my stuff off thinking we would get it on. Instead, we immediately left for dinner in Little Italy with his best friend. During the entire dinner, we listened to the friend moan about his divorce proceedings. Last time I saw the best friend, his wife was pregnant...

I decided to do what I do best, which is get drunk off another person's money. Jon and I got back to his place, tore off each other's clothes and had great sex. Finally...

The next day, we had sex a few more times but weren't connecting otherwise. Our conversations were bland. Jon seemed to be affected by his best friend's divorce and went on and on about how much relationships suck and how his ideal marriage would involve living in separate homes.

I had enough and told him I needed to hitch a ride to the Hamptons that night instead of the next morning. I called up OleMiss and told him I would be in NYC soon, then left Jon's place knowing that would be the last time I ever saw him. 

When I got to OleMiss's place, the atmosphere was much lighter and the mood much hornier. We watched some TV, drank wine and chatted. Then he pulled me over for a kiss and off we went. I was thinking the whole time that I should have cancelled on Jon because I would have LOVED more OleMiss.

We went to a concert that night on the pier, went out drinking some more, came home and tore off our clothes again. The next morning he begged me to stay, but I had to hop in a car to the glamorous Hamptons...

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