Breaking the news to RedSox

When I landed in Boston, RedSox called to get the scoop on my moving and when i would be free.

I told him it would be a few days of moving in, but we could certainly hang out.

And I wanted to hang out as soon as possible because I wanted to break the news about my relationship with NotMexican sooner rather than later.

We met up for drinks in Beacon Hill. He looked great. Clearly he had been working out more. I was happy for him.

We talked about our mutual friends to get the scoop on peoples' lives. And after a while I finally got the courage to ask him if he was seeing anyone.

He told me off and on.

I felt relieved and then blurted out that I was in a relationship.

RedSox took the news very well. He actually didn't think we would be getting back together considering we didn't communicate too much while I was in colorado. He admitted that it hurt a little bit, but he'll always be there for me and care for me.

I told him I would do the same.

The rest of the evening was two good friends hanging out. We have talked here and there since, and I'm happy with that. I wish him the best and the woman who gets to be with him is going to be one of the luckiest girls in the world.

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thanksgiving

I went home to Boston for Thanksgiving. I was looking forward to it for lazy days, friends and enjoying the city... but I was also nervous about seeing RedSox, going to my high school reunion and inter-acting with the aunt I hate.

It's been almost 6 months since we've seen each other. RedSox and I have spoken sporadically through text and facebook, but that's about it. He asked to hang out so we went to lunch on wednesday. It was like old times. He's super sweet and wonderful. He's lost a lot of weight, too!

I told him I missed him, but I think I may have mis-spoken. I missed "us," but I'm still not sure if we are meant to be.

I've been going to therapy. I've been working on myself. Not much has changed in behavior, but a lot has changed in my way of thinking. Baby steps people.

RedSox has lost weight... and that's about it.

He definitely wants to get back together when I return to Boston in June, but I'm worried that we'll fall right back into old ways.

Then there was my 10 year high school reunion. I didn't have the greatest high school experience, but I certainly didn't have the worst. So I am genuinely happy to see people whether I liked them or not, and I want to know that they're doing well. And of course... Michigan came.

I cannot describe the love, the lust, the dreams and wishes I had for Michigan. I have loved him since the 4th grade. He was everything I wanted in a guy, but he never liked me. I saw him at the reunion and melted. He still looks amazing.

I finally had the courage to say hi. I was hoping we'd chat for a bit and catch up like friends but he seemed uninterested in chatting. He also told me he got married in January...

My best friend says we'll hook up with each other at the 20 year reunion when we realize we hate our spouses... I secretly hope that's true.

As for thanksgiving, well I have a lot to be thankful for. Great career, healthy family, fabulous friends. The aunt I don't like... she had a UTI and left all of us alone.

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Sex with RedSox

Sex with RedSox was never stellar. In fact it was a big problem early on in our relationship. I know I've had my own issues with orgasm, but I overcame them. I wanted to be able to have one with a partner.

I asked RedSox to try different positions. We'd try for a quick second and then he'd flip me back into military. I asked him to go down on me. He refused due to a traumatic try with an ex-girlfriend. I think she reamed him out and he's never recovered. 

To help him, I bought the Guide to Getting It On. He felt too conservative to read it. I offered to read it with him, work on our sex life together. He put his foot down, and I had no hope.

That's when I started to stray. 

Fast-forward to now, our relationship is hanging by a thread. RedSox knows why I strayed. When he gave me the lingerie on Valentine's day, he stated he was willing to try more sexual positions. He searched for the Guide but couldn't find it. He wants to read it and wants to work on our sex life.

I felt bombarded. I was so shocked and instantly uncomfortable. I wasn't ready to have sex after all this time... let alone do everything I wanted to do over a year ago.

We finally did have sex later in the week. We tried a different position. I didn't get off (though I'm certain it's because I was freaked out by the change).

I appreciate that he's trying, but it also made me feel angry that he waited until I threatened to end our relationship. I confronted him and he admitted that was the push. 

I was strongly considering ripping the band-aid and letting him go last week. After I confronted him and we talked it through, I decided that I am going to stay. Why?

Because if I leave, he'll never try to better himself in the ways women want. He needs to be better at sex. He also needs to lose a couple (30+) pounds.

Weight... my other issue...

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Valentine's Effort

I hope everyone had a wonderful valentine's day, either celebrating with a loved one or celebrating your fabulous self.

RedSox really wanted to celebrate Valentines. I did not. I didn't feel I deserved one. I just wanted a quiet saturday where I opened the gym, had a good work-out after my shift and enjoyed my evening.

Like a typical guy, RedSox tried to make reservations last-minute. He found 9:45pm at Persephone. Unfortunately, I'm ready to eat my arm by 7:30-8pm. I told him I'd much rather stay home and order in. He INSISTED we go out, so I relented and asked him to find a place with an earlier reservation.

At the end of my shift, I called to let him know I was gonna work out. I could be ready around 5-6pm. He told me the only reservation he could find was 4:30pm at Petit Robert. I did not want to eat at 4:30pm... let alone at a place I could care less about. Again, he INSISTED.

I had a crappy work-out, went to CVS to find him a card and headed home to get ready. I called him again to see if he was able to find a later reservation anywhere. He asked what I wanted to do. I told him I want to be able to eat when I'm hungry.

We decided to stay in... and he would cook for me. I was already waay pissed off by this point, so to get him to cook for me would guarantee he would stay in the kitchen while I cooled off.

RedSox said he would pick me up at 6pm... he finally came around 8:15pm. Did I mention that I would have eaten my arm by this point? I was sleeping to avoid the anger that hunger brings on.

He picked me and bought flowers. He had all the food ready to cook. I was still pissy.

Listen. I know he's trying really hard to please me, but I can't get over the chaos I feel in my head. I can't stand improper planning and disorganization.

The evening ended up going pretty well once I started drinking the pinot noir I selected and bought for the night. He fed me immediately with cheeses and nuts, then cooked a decent chicken entree with pasta.

I apologized for my anger. He forgave me and handed me my gift. A cross from Tiffanys. He also gave me some lingerie.

Sex... now that is a WHOLE other issue.

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Versus

The RedSox break-up has been occupying my mind 24/7. I have talked it out with my sister, friends and my therapist.

There's a lot of right vs. wrong, guilt vs. innocence, wants vs. needs, obligations vs. aquiescence.

When I told RedSox I wanted to be alone my intern year but I still wanted for us to continue normally, I was being extremely selfish. When he brought up my trysts with other men, I wanted out. He still wanted in, and I agreed.

Now I'm feeling suffocated. He wants to hang out every single night, and I agree to it. He is a lot more clingy and it's annoying as hell... but I allow it.

I told my therapist I wanted to rip the band-aid and end it, but I felt doing so would be letting myself off the hook while he suffers. Friends think RedSox is clinging to me for dear life with some fantasy hope that I will change my mind.

My cousin pretty much called me an a$$hole for staying with him. OleMiss told me I date pansies and he would have gone ape$hit on me and dumped me.

I know most of you will advise that I do what I want/feels right... but nothing really does at the moment.

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shit hath almost hitteth the fan

I say almost...

Last week RedSox asked me about the future of our relationship. While I had made it clear I wanted to leave Boston, he wasn't clear that I also wanted an end to our relationship. My fault. I should have told him the moment I decided.

But I did tell him last week, and that's when the fiasco of our imminent end began. He asked that we stay together until the end. I agreed. He asked for more time from me. I gave it.

I had my final residency interview in NYC last week, and I planned to stay with OleMiss. On Tuesday RedSox asked me where I was staying. I lied and told him a girl-friend.

He then told me "I know more than you think I do."

I was caught, though to some extent I wasn't surprised. I told him "I'm sure you do, and I will tell you everything you want to know."

He didn't want to know anything. He wasn't even angry. He STILL wanted to stay together.

Now let me keep it real people. I CHEATED... several times. I never admitted to it or considered my behavior anything other than being myself, but it's true. I cheated on RedSox.

And he forgave me. He wasn't angry.

I cannot believe it.

This post should probably be longer, but I am still in shock. Thank God I am seeing my therapist today.

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Case Report: Chest Pain in a 27yr Female

I woke up at 5am on wednesday with chest pain. I felt nauseated. This was almost classic for a heart attack, but since I'm 27, female, non-white, in great shape and STRESSED OUTTA MY FREAKIN MIND... I concluded that I most likely had a panic attack.

I kinda wanna get an EKG anyways just to frame it and stick it on my wall... but I digress.

I had my third presentation in 4 weeks on Friday. Since I was doing chest radiology, I chose cystic fibrosis. My presentation went well and one of the docs told me it was classy and I definitely made an impression.

GREAT! except... I didn't study at all for my step 2 exam since I was freaking out about the presentation. 

The anxiety didn't go away once I finished either because Saturday my mom had a dinner party for all of the bone radiologists. 

Normally this is awesome because they're all like family and we get wasted together. This time, though, they all heard a rumor that I was applying to radiology. 

Dr. P: I hear you might be applying to radiology. Great move. You should do musculoskeletal radiology. We have the best lifestyle. Look at me. I'm on call tonight and I'm on my 3rd beer. hahaha

Me: hahaha. How is it that you know exactly what to say to convince me? I love drinking. Let's hope you don't get called tonight.

Later that night Dr. P's wife saw me give RedSox a peck on the lips and she screamed "OMG is this your boyfriend???" 

I kinda said nothing and grabbed another drink. Luckily too many people were wasted to care.

Overall the night went well. 

Today, RedSox treated me to a massage for the stress because tomorrow I start GI radiology. I'm praying they don't care about a presentation.

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My dry spell with Smith Jerrod

When Samantha revealed that she hadn't had sex in 6 months, I felt her pain. It wasn't until this weekend I actually admitted it to the girlz.

Red Sox and I haven't had sex in 6 months. I used to be the Samantha that had to have sex as often as possible. I loved it. I loved the variety of men. I loved the excitement. I loved the different positions. I loved it all... I still do.

Though RedSox didn't "stay with me through chemo", in every other aspect of our relationship he is darn close to perfect. He's a great guy. He loves me. He takes amazing care of me. He always thinks of me first.

I love him... I'm not in love with him.

People have been trying to push buttons and ask me why I'm even dating him. Well, it's because we both know it's going to end. We also both don't see why it should end soon.

I know there is an inkling of hope on his side that I'll stay in Boston for my residency. I also know I have an inkling of hope that I'll return to Boston after my residency ELSEWHERE and he'll be waiting for me.

Neither one of us knows what the future holds, but both of us are happy with the way things are going now. We have a lot of fun together. We make each other laugh. We take care of each other. We enjoy NOW.

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The Inevitable

We have a big class meeting next week to get going with residency planning. I've been looking into doing away rotations at other schools, and it got me thinking about RedSox.

He wants me to stay in Boston. I want to try a new city. He sees us together forever. I see fog, and it's scary.

I went out Saturday night with med school people and got hammered. I flirted, danced and loved it. I loved it so much that I contemplated breaking up with RedSox on Sunday.

He picked me up to watch the Pats game and we had a great time together, so I dropped the idea of a break-up. I do love RedSox, but it's becoming more of a brother-sister love on my end. I'm trying not to feel guilty about it, but I wonder if I am being selfish by staying in a romantic relationship with him.

I know in the end we will probably not remain together, so I wonder if it is wrong to enjoy good times as much as possible until then. An amicable break-up due to circumstance (ie. residency in NYC or Chicago) is better than breaking up now without a really good reason.

Plus it would just be downright cruel with his 30th bday coming up in a few days and Valentine's Day just a couple weeks later right?

Honestly, THIS is why I don't like relationships.

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Doh!

I hadn't done any promotional modelling in a while, so when the opportunity came up on my vacation when I have NOTHING to do, I thought it would be fun to work an event. I got the info on a Simpsons Balloon promotion and jumped on it. I love the Simpsons. I love balloons.

My only worry was "what if the event is outdoors and it's freezing?"

Surprise Surprise... we were outdoors and it was cold.

Of course today, it was freakin FREEZING. The first hour and a half we were outside. I ran into any office or store that was open every 5 minutes just so my toes wouldn't fall off. I was ready to quit when I had an idea.

"RedSox! My feet are freezing! Will you go buy me some Uggs?" - Roxy (cutesy voice)

I hate Uggs, but I know how warm they are. I had to!

Half an hour later I get a call from RedSox telling me Saks is out of Uggs, but he found another cute pair and bought them for me.

Fine. I could care less. Just please give my feet better protection.

At that moment a miracle happened... rather the boss lady finally used her brain. She invited us all to use her office space RIGHT where we were promoting. It only took her 2 hours to think that it might be more efficient to blow up balloons indoors and have people stay warm so their fingers can bend to tie these balloons on parking meters.

Anyways, RedSox showed up at that exact moment to give me my boots. I don't know what to say about this boy, but he has excellent taste. He bought me Stuart Weitzman boots. Even though they were still as ugly as Uggs, I told him I loved them.

They kept my feet warm. The event was a success.

Simpsons DVD out today. Go buy it!

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Power of NOW

I've read two interesting pieces lately that have helped me understand my relationship with RedSox a lot better... and maybe all my relationships a lot better.

1. The Power of Now. It's one of those self-help books that my sister gave to me. It's pretty good in that I pretty much already practice its teachings. I try to enjoy NOW. I don't future think too much. I focus on the happiness I have now. There's no pressure for commitment in a relationship or worries about residency because I am happy with and focused on the way things are going NOW.

2. Almost Mr. Right. It's an interesting blog read about the ideal mate. I bitched and moaned big time about RedSox's weight and conservative sexual preferences, but I tried my darndest to get over it because he is awesome otherwise. We get along really well. We laugh together all the time. We try new restaurants, go out to bars, attend fashionable events, etc etc... pretty much everything else i LOVE, we do.

I know it makes me look like a superficial bitch to want him to lose weight. I do find him attractive, but I wished he hadn't shown me past pictures of him when he was thinner and athletic. That's all I can think of now.

I'm sure all women and men even would agree that great sex is very important to the relationship, so I won't even explain that one again.

So why do I stick with RedSox? Because right NOW, the relationship works for both of us. If I end up in Boston for residency, only then will I address my concerns full force. If I leave Boston (which is what I would like to do), then we'll break up and life will be a shit-show of fun and promiscuity all over again... and I actually miss that.

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When to let it rip?

A few months ago I had written about the need to release some tension, but I couldn't do it in front of RedSox. Heck I can't do it in front of family.

As someone in the medical field, I am perfectly fine with patients farting. In fact, it's one of the questions I often asked while doing my surgery rotation. Farting is good for you. It means your bowels are working, and there isn't any GI obstruction.

But it is still embarrassing as hell. So when, if ever, is it ok to fart in front of your significant other?

For me, the answer is never. For RedSox, the answer is now.

Last night while lounging on the couch watching House, RedSox let one rip. I really wanted to laugh, but I held back and just said, "well, I'm glad your bowels are in working order."

I think he took that as an ok to continue. Later that night, he decided to pee with the bathroom door open.

I guess I'm ok with it, for now. But I'm pretty sure I can not return the actions.

I'd love to hear from your experience. Should I be ok with it by now?

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Homework Assignments

Lately I have had the urge to date other men... meaningless, one-time dates. I miss them. But of course I'm still dating RedSox, a great and fabulous guy who is taking me to game 1 of the world series tonight.

But I digress. Monday I woke up and thought "I need to break up with RedSox." It was a sudden, intense feeling. I panicked.

I have a tendency to act without thinking things through, especially when angry. This time, I decided to figure out why I was thinking of breaking up with RedSox. I was hoping I could find some answers. Is it him? Is it me? Is it us...

RedSox is the greatest guy any woman could ask for. He takes care of me emotionally. He pretty much takes care of me financially. He is a leader in his career. He is admired and adored by many.

So what's the problem? Moreso, what's MY problem?

I want better sex. I want him to be the MAN and not always let me make the decisions. I want him to lose 30lbs.

Monday night I decided to tell RedSox how I've been feeling. I told him I was upset that he STILL hasn't read the Guide to Getting It On. I gave it to him almost a year ago. Months later, I HIGHLIGHTED the relevant chapters.

I have asked him to decide what we're doing for dinner or for our dates, yet the most he gives me is a narrowed down list where the final decision is mine.

I ask him all the time about the gym and tell him about ALL of my work-outs. He admitted to never wanting me to get fat, so why should he get to stay fat?

He didn't like hearing any of this. I didn't enjoy dishing it out. In 2 weeks, I'm leaving for a 6-week rotation in Maine. I asked him if during that time, he thinks he could read the couple of chapters, go to the gym more often and figure out how to make decisions outside of the office.

He said he would.

Then I asked him if there is anything I could work on for him.

He said No... I'm perfect.

Brilliant. I guess my self-assigned homework assignment while up in Maine is to figure out why I am such an asshole.

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No denying the Predator

I cannot tell you how horny I was today. I had a certain blond man in my mind, and he wasn't RedSox. He's IrishRacer... blond, HOT, blond, Fresh-off-the-boat Irish, blond!

He messaged me through Myspace last week, and I've been coyly exchanging emails with him since. Short one-liners haven't led to anything, but today I couldn't stop fantasizing about him. I'm not sure what it means, but I want to find out.

I'm torn, though. I care about RedSox. He is probably the best guy I have ever dated. He might be that one last great guy who exists in my generation.

But I'm a predator. I don't fit the mold of a typical woman, yet I don't have a penis. I have a lot of power, and I love it. I want to use it. I want to make the most of it.

IrishRacer described his first date with me. I replied asking when this would be...

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Being Ignored

Do you ever notice how the second a guy stops paying attention to woman he is suddenly desirable? How the unavailable guy is more interesting? I always wonder why women get so caught up in needing and wanting the attention.

Now don't get me wrong. Mama LOOOOOVES attention. I enjoy the stares, the gawks, the undressing me with their eyes. I can't get enough of it.

BUT... I'm a predator. If a man doesn't pay me enough attention, whether it's one night at a bar or after several dates, he might as well not exist. If it's because he is shy and awkward, that sucks for him. If it is because he is hoping it will give him an edge, then he is going to attract needy women.

I'm pretty simple. Give me attention if you want to date me. Call me, email me, communicate. Because if you don't communicate OR you don't respond to my attempts (and trust me I don't try that hard), then you're on the way out.

I say this because RedSox has been paying less attention lately, not ridiculously so, but I have noticed fewer emails and a lack of the daily phone call. There could be a number of reasons (stress, surgery clerkship, business sales) from both of our ends.

BUT... I am a predator. I feel like I've already got a lot on my plate, so why should I even be caring about this?

Maybe I care because RedSox is not just one night at a bar or just a few dates. Maybe I'm not such a predator after all.

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Better Off Alone

I don't think I am relationship material. More and more lately I miss going out, flirting with whomever and trying to hook my friends up. I can't do that anymore... not while in a relationship.

Last night, I went out with a couple of med school friends. I'm half-way through surgery and others had finished a 6 week block. It was party time. I was really happy because I never get to go out anymore. Either I'm tired or anyone I ask is not in the mood.

When Madge asked me to meet up for drinks, I was excited! We were going to a popular place where there were tons of guys and great dancing...

But I had RedSox with me. He is not much of a dancer, so that kinda puts me out of the mood. He wasn't feeling very social, so that again puts me out of the mood.

I finally perked up when my girl Ems wanted a guy. She was being shy and that immediately gave me a mission: I'm gonna hook Ems up. It turned out the guy she wanted was a buddy of one of our friends.

Perfect! I jumped in between the two and started chatting up our friend. That left the guy wide open for Ems to come in. She was holding back so I decided to introduce them. I had to keep our friend away, though, so I kept chatting with him.

RedSox did not like this at all. He took it as me flirting away with another man and got super jealous.

I hate jealousy. I do not flirt with other men to make my man jealous. I flirt with other men to get their friends to flirt with my friends.

I explained this to RedSox, but his feelings had already been hurt. He didn't get it and accused me of being too drunk. That is when I lost it.

There was no screaming match. I'm never interested in public battles. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I just walked out of the bar and headed back towards his car. He followed. Neither one of us said a word until we got back to his place. I jumped into bed, and that's when he asked if we could talk.

We had a good discussion. I understood his view, and what things looked like to him. I hope he understood my view. I guess we resolved everything. I don't quite remember the convo.

But the whole experience just fuels my desire to go back to being single.

As much as I love RedSox, the thought of being alone doesn't upset me. I have never wanted a boyfriend. I have never needed a relationship.

PLUS, I don't know where residency is going to take me, but I know I'm hoping for NYC, Chicago, DC or Seattle... not Boston.

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obDRESSion

Normally one would expect me to put this post in my shopping blog, Roxy Shops, but I had to write it here.

My break from studying used to be hitting the bottle, but when hangovers took away from the following day's study-time I realized I needed to replace my love for alcohol with a love for something else... at least temporarily.

Ok ok... I've always loved shopping, but now I'd say I might be addicted. In the last month alone, I have bought 4 dresses... and they are not cheap. So when I reached my credit card limit, I opted to just show my following great finds to RedSox and get his opinion.

It was fun, an activity we could share when not together. (I've had to limit our face time because of the boards). Today RedSox asked if he could stop by to say hi. Of course I agreed cos I had been up and at it since 6am.

When I hopped in his car to drive around the block a few times and chat, he handed me a surprise. This totally cute mini dress by Sky. I just discovered this brand, but the designs are no where to be found in Boston. Ok I haven't tried yet.

Anyways, I LOOOVE IT! As soon as I got back up to my apartment I instant-messaged Fashion Kitty, the one who introduced me to Sky. She was super excited for me, and I plan to wear it when I meet her in LA in a couple weeks.

Alrighty, happy shopping to you all!! Back to the books for me... until my next purchase.

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Never Been Kissed

About a week ago I asked RedSox to tell me about his first kiss and he adamantly refused. He wouldn't even tell me why he wouldn't tell me. This hurt my feelings. After all this time together jumping over hurdles, why wouldn't he tell me about his first kiss?

I'm happy to share my first kiss. It was very much a movie magic moment. If one discounts the kissing from pre-school to my then-"husband" Jimmy James and one further discounts the kisses I gave JoeyG and RyanB in 4th grade after chasing them around the playground and then tackling them for my touchdown kisses, then one might be surprised that I didn't get my first kiss until I was 18.

During the summer months, all we high-schoolers ever really did was drive up to Hampton Beach to drive around and walk the strip. I went up there one year with my friend Chris and a bunch of her private-school friends. Two girls and 5 guys. We ran around the beach, joked around, overall had a great time. Then Kevin got a little closer to me. He gave me a shoulder massage and suddenly it was just the two of us.

A perfect beach summer night, we decided to go for a walk. The breeze was getting stronger and colder. We stopped to just hug and look at the star-lit ocean. Then he went for it. It was very sweet and wonderful. I didn't immediately fall in love with him, but I loved how perfect the setting was.

Last night while lying in bed with RedSox I started giggling about his friend introducing me as Redsox's girlfriend earlier in the evening. When RedSox asked me what was on my mind, I wouldn't tell him. He got upset, and I told him I would if he told me why he wouldn't tell me about his first kiss the week before.

It turns out RedSox doesn't like to hear my men-stories as much as I love telling them. He knew that his first kiss story would be followed my mine. I have a tendency to do that, and he didn't want to know.

So after he told me this AND his first kiss story, I told him I was laughing about being referred to as his girlfriend. Then I kissed him like never before and went to sleep.

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O cum all ye faithful

I can't cum.

Ok that's not true. I can, but not during sex. I have faked for so long. I know it's unfair to the "penis du jour" and doesn't lead to positive results, but for a long time I didn't know what else to do.

RedSox finally asked me if I was really cumming. I told him no.

He asked me if I had ever cum. I told him no.

He wasn't happy, but he didn't get upset with me for lying. He was actually concerned as to why I didn't. He wanted to know if was him, what he could do better, all that kind of stuff.

I told him that it is me. It's my problem. The one and only time I ever had an orgasm with a guy it was somewhat traumatizing. He is going down on me, I get lost in the moment and then BAM I felt an internal explosion. All I could think was that I just had a heart attack and it felt awesome... but it scared the sh!t outta me.

I never knew what an orgasm was. We didn't learn it in sex ed... heck we grazed over it in med school. My girlfriends encouraged me to explore masturbation, but I had never tried that. I didn't know girls did that... only to find out that I'm the only woman in my crew who doesn't.

I knew I had to try, but I didn't know where to begin. I read books. They didn't help. I just couldn't touch myself. I finally found a therapist who helped me out. A few weeks with her, and I gave it shot.

Damn that bullet could buzz (still does). Even low vibrate was too much. I put it aside until my next session. Then I tried again. I kept trying until I finally allowed myself to release the glory within.

I still felt scared. I continue to feel scared. I explained to RedSox that I've still got a road block. Sex with him gets better and better, but I push his hands away during foreplay because I just can't let the flood gates open. I don't know why, but eventually I will... I know... I hope.

It was only a year ago that I gave myself my first orgasm. It was a huge hurdle, but I was determined and it happened.

Maybe a year from now I'll let RedSox give me one...

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ok now I miiight have cheated

Not really... I didn't do anything. It was just dinner amongst strangers. And No, I did not turn to craigslist for a random date.

Actually last night I took the train to my home town. I watched my dad pick up my mom and then I went one more stop to downtown. As I walked up the hill towards the restaurant, I got a hit of nerves.

There he was walking down the hill to potentially run into me. I was supposed to meet him in March, but my flight to Denver was cancelled. WhiteRapper looked exactly like his MySpace pics... and damn did he look good.

His work brought him to the North East. He emailed me a few weeks back to let me know he was coming, where he was staying, etc. I made plans with him for dinner, but then I never thought anything of it.

Even yesterday I didn't think anything of it. I went into the dinner as I do all dinners... nothing is gonna come of this, so I'm just gonna have a good time.

And we did. Conversation flowed. Our meal was pretty great. After 2.5 hours of chatting away, I finally had to head back into Boston.

I liked WhiteRapper a lot, but there was no spark for me. I called up RedSox on the train ride home. He was at the sox game, so I told him we'd talk later. I ended up going to bed, but I know how I feel and where I stand. I'm with RedSox and that's that.

But is it? As I sit here reflecting on last night's conversation with WhiteRapper, not once did I think to tell him I was dating RedSox. I thought about RedSox during dinner, but I only mentioned him casually as a friend.

It's no wonder then that I woke up to this email from WhiteRapper:
"My VP told me to stick around and check out the city. He approved all the flight changes! I had a good time with ya tonight. You're cool, fun, and you're definitely easy on the eyes. Everything I thought you'd be. I'm looking forward to more chance encounters."

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