Comedy and Frank

Alright... so some things are finally coming together... ish.

Venues are booked.

The Indian party will be somewhere in Worcester. My father has booked a comedian... yup. I've come to the decision to stay out of it. It's too much stress to care, and I just don't have the energy.

The American party will be at a castle. I think it will be a nice venue. It looks beautiful, though I think I'm the only person in my family who hasn't seen it in person. But everyone tells me they love it.

I am pretty much planning the American party, and I think I should have started sooner because when I think of something or someone I want... unavailable.

Though, I did find a guy who has great reviews as a Sinatra singer.

I'm thinking of booking him. He is available.

And I do love Frank.

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Church or No church?

Decisions have mostly been finalized.

TINY wedding ceremony March 17th, 2012. St. Patty's day.

Indian wedding reception second weekend in June at some place in Worcester, MA. (I have no intention of getting involved with that planning).

American wedding reception in June at Hammond Castle in Gloucester, MA.


So far, I've only done the planning for the wedding ceremony and it hasn't been that easy. Ideally, I'd like to gather the family in a private room at Ruths Chris and do a quick I do I do, then eat steak!

Ruths Chris has a minimum bill requirement which I think may be CRAZY high.
The pastor I wanted is unavailable.

The church I regularly attend will do the ceremony at Ruths Chris, but strongly suggests I just do it at the church and then walk around the corner to Ruths Chris with a reservation for a table for 15 instead.

It might be cheaper. Once we get a decent count of who can come, I'll make the decision.

As far as the wedding sari, the indian tailor in Cambridge has not called me back.

I'm annoyed.

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Commenting Issues

Has anyone else had problems leaving comments on other peoples blogs?

I'm not sure the exact reason, but when i downloaded google chrome the problem went away.

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Parental Pre-wedding Drama; part 3

So my mother needs to have a reception for all of her coworkers, and she wants to have it at the Harvard Club. I asked why not a restaurant since her coworkers are only approximately 20 people, including their spouses.

She then clarified that she will be inviting closer to 80 people. So... practically half of the radiology department.

My parents continued to talk about their plans/ideas as if I wasn't there, when I nearly shat a brick and asked if they thought about NotMexican's family or friends.

That shut em up... because THEY HAD NOT.

My mother then quickly chimed in, "well that's why we should have the wedding followed by a reception in Colorado. They can go to that... and we'll invite everyone there too."

I had to remind my parents that I specifically did not want a wedding ceremony. Part of the reason I became a radiologist is so I could sit down all day... this includes NOT standing at an alter longer than 5 minutes.

I also asked if they thought about the exhaustion of a 5 hour flight each way across 2 times zones for one event.

There was more argument against the Colorado reception which I can't remember, but they finally agreed it wasn't a good idea.

Notmexican's family and friends and MY friends (also not factored into the planning) are invited to my mother's "American" reception.

A summary of the 2.5 hour dinner. My parents went from questioning the marriage to planning 3 major events. After much argument, headache, stress and heartache... the wedding is a go.

St. Patty's courthouse/Justice of the Peace, Indian reception likely in May and the American reception likely in June.

God help me.

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Parental Pre-wedding Drama; part 2

So after it was decided that NotMexican and I will definitely be getting married next year, the conversation went from 0 to 1000mph in less than 1 second to discuss the reception... actually receptions... pleural.

My father already picked the venue for the Indian reception. He already has the guest invite list. He would like to have Indian dancers, a Belly dancer, a Dj, AND... wait for it... a magician.

I nearly cut a bitch.

I yelled in the middle of the restaurant "ARE YOU RETARDED? Nobody has a magician at a wedding! This is a WEDDING, not a kid's birthday party or a carnival!"

My mom jumped in and firmly squashed the magician.

Though then my mother took over the conversation, saying that she'll need to have a separate reception... because my mother has a whole separate plan.

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Parental Pre-wedding Drama, Part 1

So tonight was a difficult evening.

My mom told me about a month ago that my dad wanted to go to dinner to talk to me without NotMexican. I assumed this was about a pre-nuptial agreement, but my mom kept saying she didn't know why... for a month she didn't know why.

I chose not to dwell on this and went into the dinner assuming we would be talking pre-nup.

So the first drama of the dinner:
Dad's reason for wanting to talk. Ready?

"I see only 2 reasons for you to get married next year.
1. You both are going to be living in the same city shortly after the wedding.
2. You're gonna have a kid shortly after the wedding.
Otherwise, why not wait until 2015?"

I don't know how you read the above, but I interpreted it as they don't like my future husband. Did I jump the gun with assumptions? Absolutely!
Am I wrong? I still am not sure.

After a strong back and forth lasting an excruciating 45 minutes, I finally got my father to agree that whether I get married tomorrow or in 20 years, it doesn't matter whether NotMexican and I are in the same city or have any children.

Many married couples live apart for a LONG time. I gave the TRUE example of one of the Thoracic fellows at my hospital who married his wife the last year of medical school and had to spend the next 6 YEARS(including this year) of their marriage apart because they couldn't get their residencies or fellowships to match in the same city. They tried! Just like NotMexican got his great job in Michigan because he was TRYING to find a job in Boston.

Many couples also never have kids. Either they choose not to such as DINKS (dual income, no kids) OR they try and try and use medical technology/advancements and CAN'T.

After my amazing arguments, I pried, picked and jabbed with an ice pick to try and break my dad on why he would bring this up. He didn't break. So either these reasons truly were the focus of his questioning my marriage to NotMexican, or he's really good at hiding his true thoughts.

So I told you this took about 45 minutes... well the dinner lasted about another 1.5 hours.

Stayed tuned for how the conversation went from no wedding to possibly THREE wedding events in 2012...

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Not quite a destination if you ask me

I gave NotMexican the task of planning our destination wedding, and by that I mean that I told him to pick the location. After all my plans falling through or getting pooped on, I decided enough is enough.

Since I decided we're going to the courthouse on St. Patty's Day, he needs to decide where we're doing our destination.

He comes back with Mackinaw Island in Michigan and Vancouver Island in BC, Canada.

His argument that these qualify for great destination weddings is that they're both islands.

MY argumentS (pleural, surprise) against them:
1. Not exactly locals that are FAR ENOUGH away for my parent's friends.
2. Not quite paradise.
3. Though I could wear my gucci sandals, I'm not gonna.

Reason #4 and beyond, I'm sure you can imagine...


Your thoughts, or cries of sympathetic agony are welcome.

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An Irish-inspired wedding

Let me explain.

I love to drink.

Don't panic. I did an internship at the Betty Ford Center while I was in medical school. I have no intention of returning as a patient.

But seriously, I LOVE to drink. I love to go out for drinks. I love wine on my roofdeck. I love drinks with the girls. I love after-work drinks. I love a daily glass of wine after a hard day's work.

I love love love it.

10 Years ago when I went to Ireland, I stayed with my friend's Irish family. They watched me drink and asked often "are you sure you're not Irish?"

I started believing I was... or that I should have been

To this day, TEN years later... the family asks me when I'm coming back.

I plan to next March.

I told NotMexican that all the up-in-the-air plans, costs, failed plans, interference with studying, etc was just too much. He agreed.

I told him that I know he wants his friends, I want my friends, My parents want their friends, I don't want my parents friends... it just won't be perfect and I accept that. He agreed.

The only thing that matters to me is the marriage, and we've been working hard on ourselves and each other as individuals. (Therapy last week was amazing).

So decision time:

Date of marriage will be March 17th, 2012. St. Patrick's Day, either at a courthouse or justice of peace or whatever. Immediately followed by dinner at Ruth's Chris' then getting on a plane to Ireland!

Wedding party for my parents friends. Who cares... not my interest.

Wedding party for our friends... likely August of next year. Country to be determined.

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Wedding Plans Update... for now

In all honesty, it's likely to change... again.

A few months ago I came up with 4 weddings plans in 15 minutes.

1. Platinum Wedding: California Pinot Noir wine country small ceremony, Casino-themed party at the Taj Hotel Boston for my friends. Separate reception for my parents friends. Estimated cost: well over $100,000.

2. Vegas: I love vegas. I love nightlife. I love to drink.
Estimated cost varies from $1500 to $15000 depending where, when and extras.

3. Practical: courthouse, dinner with the family only at Ruth's Chris. Email announcement to friends.
Estimated cost: $1000

4. Elope: $50 at a drive-thru wedding. Email announcement.

After being engaged for 9 months without any set plans, and multiple failed attempts at making plans... I've made a decision.

NotMexican can plan the wedding.

I'll plan the many outfits I've already started purchasing. Yup... I've already got 3 white dresses, my mom is on her way to India to buy a wedding sari and I plan to buy many more since WHITE is a major color this season!

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It's not my wedding, but I'm freakin pissed!

So my sister is having her wedding in Italy. Oooh, aaahh, yes it sounds great, but...

When she started planning the wedding, she and her fiance decided that they would pay for the wedding so that they could have the wedding they wanted.

They explicitly told my parents, 20 from our side.

Guess what just happened... my dad invited 200 people. Then sends an email, saying there must have been a misunderstanding because he thought our side could have 50 people.

My sister... called her financial advisor to try and pay for the extra people.

Anyone else feeling pissed right about now? I am...

I am furious and it's not even my wedding, but I'll tell you why I'm furious... because they're gonna pull this same crap with me and expect me to blow it off like no big deal.

Listen, I get that a wedding is supposed to be a celebration, but how is a celebration if I'm not getting the wedding I want?

I don't understand why my sister isn't standing up stronger for herself. It's bullsh!t.

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Death of an Aquaintance

I haven't had much experience with the death of someone for whom I cared (other than my patient's of course). I'm talking about family and friends, though.

Overnight, I received a text from my good friend in my old apartment building in Denver. She told me that the building was evacuated because of hazardous material that someone used to kill himself.

It turns out the person who killed himself was a really cool guy who always said hi to me at the gym or when I was studying in the building computer room. He was friendly with everyone.

Apparently, though, he had demons.

I don't know all the details. I don't want to believe the negativity surrounding his death. I'm sure it's probably true to some extent, but I'm gonna remember him as that great guy in my building.

May he rest in peace... but yeah I am slightly freaked out by the event.

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Work Projects

I don't know how many of you have group projects at work, but my residency class (10 of us) have been assigned to make a video for the end of the year dinner. We were told about this video in July 2010.

Flashback to middle school and high school where we made videos with our friends. Except this time, nobody is interested in doing it.

Having seen prior videos that the other classes have done, I know how big of a deal this is for all the attending physicians. They love to be in the video and they love to be made fun of. They're expecting a funny, good show.

Knowing this, I kept a notepad of ideas that people came up with throughout the year.

Flash forward to January (6 months later) when I send out a mass email to my fellow residents telling them to start thinking about writing scripts and what they'd like to do. In this email, I included a list of all the ideas I had written down over the year as people came up with them.

No one replied.

Flash forward to the end of February (another 2 months later) when the new chief residents are announced and they have a brief sit-down meeting with us to tell us it would be a good idea to get started since filming and EDITING take a very long time.

So I ask everyone to stay a few minutes longer after the meeting to start discussing script-writing. I suggest everyone pick one of the ideas or come up with their own and write a script.

One of my co-residents states that she doesn't have time because she is planning her wedding.

Hmm... so am I.

So I write a skit, then one of my other co-residents writes a skit (yes! 1 person on board)... everyone likes both scripts and thinks they're enough.

Uh... did I mention this video is expected to be 30 minutes... you know, the average time of the average television show written, produced and directed in hollywood?

So then I lay low for a while and work on a couple more skits and ideas and start filming MY skits. This gets people a little interested.

Then lay low again.

Finally 2 weeks ago, a third resident jumps on board and writes a few scripts.

So now 3 out of the 10 of us start filming.

Flash forward to now. We have less than 1 month before the dinner. People finally panic.

My skits are all filmed. They do need work editing, though.

Will it get done? Abso-freakin-lutely.

Will it be good? prolly not

Will I care? DEFINITELY not

Anyone else hate group projects? Raise your hand.

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Wedding Venues

The average cost of a wedding in the United States is about $30,000.

The cost to rent the grand ballroom at the Taj Hotel in Boston is $30,000.

But I reeeeaallly want it!

My parents are out of town and get back in tonight... I wonder if I can convince them.

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Wedding Colors

The decision was too easy.

I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.

These colors are so me... just look at my blog background.

RED WINE and WHITE WINE

(burgundy and champagne come close enough :) haha)

*Artwork picture borrowed from Leanne Laine Fine Art facebook photos.

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GoodBye Ginger :(

NotMexican can't take Ginger (his beautiful Golden Retriever) to Detroit. He'll be traveling all the time and poor thing would be neglected.

So I called around and made a strong effort to find dog-friendly housing in Boston. This is the most difficult task ever, but I discussed with NotMexican about training Ginger to be a Therapy Dog.

She could volunteer at the hospital, and pretty much all housing complexes would wave the no-dog rule. We were figuring it out and everything was going in the right direction...

Until we learned how much it would cost to get her trained, AND how much work I would have to do with her daily and by myself in Boston.

With residency call hours picking up, the marked increase in rent, the cost to get her to that level, the cost of us to continue long distance flights... it was proving to be too much.

So with sadness, NotMexican decided (well is still sorta deciding, but knows what is best) to give her back to the Golden Retriever rescue in Colorado. It's so tough to give her up, but I'm hopeful she will get adopted by another loving person or family.

Goodbye Ginger :(

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Further Improvement and more work to do.

NotMexican came for the Presidents Day long weekend. He was originally supposed to go back on Sunday, but since he no longer has his job... he stayed longer.

Don't freak out. This is great news.

NotMexican threw his resumes out there for a corporate position at one of the major American car companies, and they took a bite.

The phone interview turned into an in-person interview, which turned into a job offer!

When NotMexican gave his notice to his current boss... he was told to go immediately for being ungrateful.

So not true people... this boss was malignant.

And now I'm learning, this boss was also a major player in NotMexican's mood, attitude and overall negative aura.

Because this weekend together was awesome! He was happier, less stressed and we only had one little tiff that was quickly resolved.

NotMexican will be moving out of Denver and to Michigan for his new position. It's not Boston, but it's closer and in an east coast time zone.

We're gettin there!

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First weekend together since...

...the Big Bad (i'm stealing that from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 7)

NotMexican came to visit last weekend, and we had a great time. We both realized that we have a lot of stress in our lives that we are taking out on each other.

So last weekend we made a strong effort to leave our stress where they belong (at work) and enjoy our limited time together.

For Xmas, I bought golf lessons in Boston for us to do together, so we took advantage of that activity. It was so much fun, and the instructor praised me big time... then reprimanded NotMexican for having bad habits.

hehe... little things, people... i need them.

Aside from him complaining about all the walking I make him do in Boston, we had a great weekend. NotMexican met my best friends from med school and all of my co-workers and their significant others.

Everyone liked him... and frankly, I love him.

Here's hoping that this positivity continues!

NotMexican has an interview for his dream job on Monday. If he gets it, I know we'll be well on our way!

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Therapeutic Homework

In the aftermath of our terrible weekend, both NotMexican and I had an emotionally drained week apart.

NotMexican went to see his therapist and he came out of it with a homework assignment for the both of us.

We had to take 1st Corinthians, Chapter 13, verses 4-7 and replace the word Love with our name and each other's name... and then discuss.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It was an awesome exercise and great discussion. The best part is that we took it seriously and didn't take offense when talking about how one person felt about the other.

And that's why I know NotMexican and I will work.

We have incredibly mature adult conversation without getting defensive.

The question is... can our wonderful phone and email conversations happen IN PERSON?

That is our challenge and homework assignment from now onwards.

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Engaged too Soon

I've been struggling quite a bit lately with my relationship with NotMexican. While I thought we were back on track, I think we're just more at a standstill.

When apart, I miss him so much. We talk on the phone and tell each other we love and miss each other... then when we see each other, it's mediocre.

Our trip to Breckinridge last month was great because we actually spent quality time together. New Years was good, but maybe because he was still in pain from breaking his ribs in Breckinridge.

This time... I am writing from his computer in colorado... I am just not at all enthused.

I got off the plane Friday night, exhausted, but so excited to see him. I read an article about happiness and the wonders of a smile, so I was smiling and ready to hug him and kiss him.

He drove into arrival, and got out of the car and when he rounded the corner after opening the trunk... he looked angry.

My smile faded before he had a chance to see it. Immediately I thought, "oh crap, did I go to the wrong pick-up side again?"

That question was quickly answered, when annoyed, he asked "what side are you on?"

I apologized profusely, but bummed and then shut down.

I went straight to bed with hopes that the next day would be better. It started out well, but he had to go to work. I didn't get any studying in because I was dwelling on the night before. He came home and we watched an excellent but depressing show called Intervention.

We were supposed to go to dinner with one of his friends who cancelled. I just could not feel better.

We went to dinner and I just blew up at him. I am sick and tired of looking forward to an awesome weekend with MY FUTURE HUSBAND and having it be crappy.

We made up, but I'm still unhappy. I cannot wait to get back to Boston.

I think this may be the beginning of the end...

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Tell me about a stressful situation and how you handled it

Don't you hate these type of interview questions? Twisting something negative into a positive?

Well since I'm probably going to be asked this question when I transition from residency/fellowship to a real job, I've got the PERFECT ANSWER.

"well sir/mama... on more than one occasion there have been snow storms and winter weather alerts in the city of Boston. Since I happen to live across the street from the hospital, increased patient care and resident responsibilities are often bestowed upon me.

I handled these challenges and stressors with vigilence (LIE) and happiness (LIE). I saw the positive opportunities in leadership and peer-dependency (LIE). I also knew I could never abandon patients in times of needs (TRUTH).

I took the hippocratic oath and honor my vows to the death! (DRAMATIC PAUSE... maybe even draw a sword)

Thank you"

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Good Riddance 2010

Wonderful things happened in 2010. I got engaged. My sister got engaged. My cousin got married.

Terrible things happened in 2010. My baby cousin was the victim of Shaken Baby syndrome at daycare and is now permanently brain damaged. NotMexican and I struggled bigtime with our engagement and almost ended on several occasions... then he broke his ribs and punctured his lung while snowboarding.

There is plenty more, but I'll leave it at that.

I'm not the type to come up with new years resolutions. When I want something to change, I get started on it immediately.

And that is what I did towards the end of the year.

NotMexican and I went to see a therapist, together and now individually. Our relationship is back on track and hopefully on to bigger and better things.

I vowed to focus on work, which means I canceled Netflix and evaluated my study material and schedule.

Hopefully my future posts will involve more happiness and good fortune. I wish the same for all of you this year and for many to come!

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