Drunk Dialing Me

Within the past month, two of my past lovers have drunk dialed me or drunk texted me... which led to very lengthy one-sided (their side) conversations.

The first was LegalSeafoods. I broke up with him 4 years ago... FOUR YEARS! and at least once per year he drunk texts/calls to tell me he is sorry. He screwed up. He misses me. He wishes things were different. yada yada yada.

I listen. I thank him. I say goodbye.

Saturday night was OleMiss. Now it's a rarity to get drunken calls from OleMiss. Usually he rambles on about life. But this time he brought up "us." He asked me if I ever wondered what it would be like if we were in the same city. I told him there was a time that I did.

And there was. There was a time I wondered, recently... as recent as applying for residency. I wondered what would happen if I matched in NYC. I knew the job would be miserable, but I thought that maybe... just maybe it would be the boost that OleMiss and I needed to truly get to know each other and find out if we were meant to be.

He told me over the phone in his drunken state that he's pretty sure we're not meant to be. After all this time, it's clearly not in the cards for us. I know it's true. I just never admitted it. But yeah, we'll always be great friends. While single, we'll be great FWBs... but yeah.

We will never be. Though I'm certain he'll keep drunk dialing me.

Read More

A friend to strangers

Granted I cuss quite a bit, but it's more in my head. When I do say something profane outloud I try to soften the blow by saying F-ing Shite or something. So while this may be hypocritical I do have a problem with hearing other people cuss non-stop.

You see I live in a quaint and generally quiet neighborhood downtown. The problem is that sound waves on my street bounce off the old brick walls and constructively interfere into larger waves, so much that a simple conversation 4 stories below is overheard in my apartment as if the people talking are in standing right in front of me.

I did hear a fantastic argument a few months ago between a couple. It actually sounded like LegalSeafoods yelling at me. "Why would you do that? Why would you flirt with another guy right in front of me? I feel like I'm the emotional one in this relationship. What do you want? TELL ME... what do you want?!!!"

Anyways, so I'm sitting in my common room pretending to go over some clinical vignettes when I hear this girl start bitching about booking her plane ticket for the wrong day. She goes back and forth from English to Spanish, dropping F-bombs like it is the word of the day.

I can't help but stop what I'm doing and listen because it feels like she is ranting to me, the good friend willing to listen.

In her rant she managed to resolve her own issue by deciding to call the airlines tomorrow. As much I wanted to tell her the cussing wasn't necessary, I decided to keep my mouth shut... cos I'm a fabulous friend.

Read More

Get over me please

LegalSeafoods is an incredibly charming and handsome man. He's well-read and funny, and he's a bartender. How could I resist a man who works his butt off to provide the precious nourishment that is alcohol.

We had a rocky start to our short-lived relationship. I met him on his birthday. He was late. I knew where he worked, so after waiting for about 30 minutes I gave up but didn't give in. I "wandered" right over to his restaurant and chatted up the hostess. I asked if she could give me his number. For security reasons, she couldn't disclose his info. I explained he was supposed to meet me for a date, but didn't show. After much prodding, she finally called him for me. There was no answer.

By this point, much of the front of the house staff was at the hostess stand. Having worked in a restaurant, I know how much servers LOVE gossip. When LegalSeafoods didn't answer nor called back within the next 5 minutes, I officially gave up. But of course I had to exact the tiniest, teansiest bit of revenge. Upon exiting the restaurant I thanked everyone for all of their help and asked them if they could do me a favor.

"Next time you see LegalSeafoods, please be sure to tell him thank you for standing me up."

Did I mention most of the staff were women?

As I walked out of the restaurant, guess who called me to tell me he wasn't too far from our original meeting point? I told him I left after 30 minutes, but I just walked out of his restaurant. I was starving and on my way to get some food if he wanted to join me. He did, but he told me to wait by his restaurant because he wanted to quickly run in and get his check. We met, he ran in, he ran right out... apparently a bunch of people were giving him a hard time for standing me up.

We both had a laugh and that was the beginning of our relationship.

A month later it was my birthday and I had told him that a friend of mine would be visiting from NYC. I had planned this visit before we met, and it was someone I was sorta involved with. Not a boyfriend, but a friends with benefits... very good benefits. I told LegalSeafoods if he didn't want me to have my friend visit, I would promptly call and cancel. I did this several times before my birthday. LegalSeafoods appreciated my honesty and assured me he was absolutely fine with my friend's visit.

This was the point where I knew we were not going to last. Telling me you're was fine with an FWB visiting is the same as telling me you're just not that into me.

After my birthday, LegalSeafoods wasn't fine. He expected me to NOT hook up with my FWB. I told him he was crazy to expect that. He had plenty, PLENTY of opportunities to tell me that he was uncomfortable. Acting like he was fine is the equivalent of lying. To blame me is pathetic, and I promptly dumped him.

A week later we got back together. He apologized. I apologized. We were together again, but of course I kept my distance... and went out on plenty of dates. He knew this, and he made it clear that he didn't like it since he wasn't seeing anyone else. After weeks of trying to make me feel bad, he finally stepped up and asked for what he wanted... exclusivity.

I was skeptical, but I agreed. A few hours later I found out that he HAD been seeing other people the entire time we were together.

Why ask me to be exclusive when you KNOW I don't care for it? Why lie to me about yourself when you know I have trust issues?

I promptly dumped him... for the second time.

He begged and begged to have me back. He admitted everything. I forgave him, but I would only try again after he did one thing for me.

I asked him to get tested... a very simple thing to do.

He wouldn't do it. I made appointments. I set time aside to meet him. He never showed. I nagged. I hate nagging but I did it. I also refused sex until it was done.

After about a month, he finally did it... or so he said he did. I asked for the written results. He refused. I asked to see his hospital card. He didn't have one.

You cannot get anything done at Massachusetts General Hospital without a blue card. LIAR LIAR LIAR.

Third and final dump.

It's been a year and a half since I last saw him. For a year and half he has been trying to make conversation online. More recently he has been trying to get together. He has a girlfriend and he STILL wanted to hang out with me.

How powerful.

I made plans. I broke plans. I wore him down until he admitted he was pathetic. An idiot. A fool. The truth. A sincere apology.

A weight lifted off my shoulders, and I could finally be his friend... or at least try. We met for lunch the other day, and everything went really well. We laughed, joked, caught up. He paid.

As we were parting, he hugged me and told me he didn't want to let go. He asked me to come back to his place to continue talking...

HA

Goodbye Legalseafoods. I'm not a challenge. I'm impossible. Get over me please... for your sake.

Read More

Drop it...

I'll be the first to admit that I'm quick to drop relationships. I'm easily scared off, put off or just not getting off. It's unhealthy, but again... I'm working on it.

It's also unhealthy when I stay in relationships in hopes that things will improve.

Some Examples:
1. Environmental Lobbyist: Horrible Horrible kisser, but HOT and PREPPY. Kissing never did improve.
2. My ex-boyfriend: Clingy, Spastic, Hard-headed, but passionate and loved me. He's still crazy.
3. LegalSeafoods: Liar, cheater, unavailable, but oh so charming and perfect to bring home.

All of these relationships were unhealthy, but I got rid of these guys and haven't looked back.

I won't get rid of friends though.

I actually tried to get rid of my best friend once. I was in college, she was a waitress. I was upset that she didn't go to college, that she wasn't trying to get out of our hometown and do something with her life. I reduced phone calls, kept conversations short, tried so hard to push her away. But she wouldn't let me go and for that I'm grateful.

I was the one with the problem, but it took me years to figure it out and solve it.

So what happens now when friendships upset me? Sorta the same thing. I pull away and make myself unavailable.

I'm doing it right now.

Medical School naturally makes me unavailable. Last year I was so upset that I couldn't go out every night or meet up whenever people wanted. I tried and it took a toll on schoolwork, so I prioritized. All of my friends supported me and continued to respect our friendship.

Recently, a friend of mine got upset with our group because we didn't all have time to meet up for brunch. I tried not to get upset, but it re-surged all of my depression from last year because I couldn't meet up. I sent as civil an email as I could, and have yet to hear a reply... let alone an apology.

I can't change my friends. I don't want to change them. I just want them to respect our friendship.

An imbalance can be unhealthy, but I'm willing to stand on one foot for as long as it takes because I am NOT quick to drop my friends.

Read More