UDIs

I haven't had an "unidentified drunken injury" since college, but this morning I woke up to quite the scene.

Last night one of the radiologists had a pizza party. He's an awesome doctor who treats me like his daughter. He knows I love wine and always buys the good stuff for me to have.

The problem is that my tolerance doesn't really exist anymore, and I tend to drink like I still have my old one. Last night, a couple corks popped and I was off boozing with my parents and the entire department of radiology.

I remember being cornered by each resident and attending. They all had an argument as to why I needed to go into radiology and match at MGH. I hear what they're saying. It's a field that gives you a fantastic lifestyle and a ton of money. I kept nodding my head and drinking even more. At the end of the night I bid everyone adieu, and then I forgot everything.

This morning I woke up to Amy Winehouse on VH1 belting out that I gotta go to rehab... but I said NO NO NO.

I saw an empty chinese food container. I hate chinese food unless I'm in china. I got up and looked in the mirror and saw bloodshot eyes and a ton of cat scratches all over my chest. My guess is I played with cats... and they didn't like it.

I made it to surgery rounds on time. Thankfully I only had to do one patient. I dunno where the energy came from but I spent some time in the genetics clinic before going to the OR... and somehow I managed to get out of being on call tonight because I wasn't "feeling well."

I don't know how I get away with all of this... and I sure hope I continue to.

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Thank You J.K. Rowling

I told RedSox if he told anyone my boards scores, we would be done. I was half-kidding, but I did mean it when I told him if he told me the end to Harry Potter we would be done.

I know I should currently be observing my 5th coronary artery bypass grafting, but each doctor does the exact same thing. Each patient is there for the same reasons: 80% blockage of the three major heart vessels after coming into the hospital complaining of chest pain while sitting down (unstable angina... emergency).

Instead of standing in the OR "watching" I decided to do something more productive... like finish Harry Potter.

I checked the OR schedule, estimating a finish time of 1pm for the surgery. I put on my scrubs so no one could question me around the hospital. I put the book in my school bag, ventured through an empty hallway, down the steps, through the dental school building and made it safely and unseen to the med school library.

It was 7:48am and the library had only been open for 3 minutes. I ran up to the next level, pulled one of the cozy arm chairs into a private study room and planted my butt, book in hand.

I smiled, laughed, worried... and cried. Yes people. Roxy can cry. Apparently only at fiction. The last time I remember these kinds of tears I was watching the Fox and the Hound. One told the other they couldn't be friends anymore. I cried. It was discrimination! Why couldn't a fox and a dog be friends?!

All I can think to say is Thank You J.K. Rowling. Thank you for your incredible imagination. Thank you for re-awakening the kid in me, the dreamer. Thank you for brightening my current state of misery.

Simply, Thank You.

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And on the third day, she rose again

Spring Semester 2002

So after the whole sorority thing, I went into a slump because I learned that most of the sisters didn't know what was going on. Many were upset that I left, and I heard that some cried(?). But I made my decision, and I'm not taking it back.

Twin and his friends were so supportive. His big mouth of course told the guys what had happened. They were so cute. They made a big banner saying something pretty rude to my sorority, making it all pretty with hearts and bears and stuff, and they hung it on the library. Luckily the cops took it down before people even woke up in the morning.

The other sororities on campus heard the whole story from neutral sisters who no longer were neutral, and they all made me an honorary sister. I get approached by other sisters all the time asking me to come over for dinner or telling me they think I'm fabulous, but I've been avoiding them a bit because the whole sisterhood thing is too much to handle at the moment.

It was time for a break and a recharge, so I went to the bahamas with my family. It was sunny and nice and beautiful. The temperature was perfect 70's. The people are so friendly and very smily.

As for my recharge, he was 19 and he approached me in a full BRIGHT yellow suit. He was totally big pimpin, and I was so drunk that I didn't know if I was imagining a banana coming towards me. He tried to get me to go smoke up with him in his room, but my sister turned into mom and absolutely refused. I wasn't gonna go anyways.

Well I'm back to normal and ready to rock... let's see where the rest of the semester is going to take me.

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PanHELL

Spring Semester 2002

I guess I should have seen this coming. It took us into February to finally get together. BlondEngineer was upset with me after our hook-up because he didn't want to be just another kicked keg. But most of all, I was going through all the levels of hell as I took charge of my role as the VP of Panhell.

Sorority rush takes place at the beginning of the spring semester. It's a huge competition amongst the various houses AND all the girls rushing. As the VP of Panhell, this entire shebang was almost entirely under my supervision. I had to come up with the theme, organize the schedule, make sure people were where they were supposed to be, etc etc. Everything was set, and nothing was different from the prior years. I trusted the neutral sisters to do their job. I'm not a micro-manager. It's not my style.

Unfortunately this displeased a lot of my sorority sisters. I did my very best to maintain neutrality and fairness, and a couple of girls from MY house made it clear that I should be working in the best interest of MY house.

I should say that it was really just ONE girl from my house who caused all the drama. She acted like a neurotic freak, and it didn't help that her bug eyes made her look like one... maybe she has Graves Disease. I like to refer to her as BitchLaden.

Anyways, incessant phone calls. "Where is the next group? Why isn't such & such happening? What is going on with X and Y? We don't want this girl coming to our house etc, etc, etc." It was a nightmare! In reality everything was going according to plan, but this girl had to be a bitch about everything.

It hurt. It hurt my feelings. I looked really bad in front of the council. I lived with a couple of neutral girls from another sorority and they couldn't believe what was going on. Their sorority and the other one on campus were so kind to me. They only called if they wanted clarification on a rule or there was something else they were unsure of.

The night before the very last day of Rush, I snapped. I was in physical and emotional pain. This was not how my sisters were supposed to treat me. I got fed up and left an away message on AOL making it very clear that I hated my sorority and loved the others.

The next day, Superbowl Sunday, I grudgingly headed to the campus center to run the final day of Rush. When I got there, all the neutral girls got up and left the room awkwardly, giving me looks of sympathy. I was left alone with the president and rush chair. They handed me a violation letter, addressed to me... from my own sorority.

Apparently BitchLaden read my away message, and accused me of violating neutrality. Now I don't think there was any way any of the little freshman girls could have read my away message, but it was possible. Even if one of them did, all I said was that I hated a certain sorority. There was no indication that I was a sister in that sorority. More importantly, what was BitchLaden doing putzing around online when she had work to do for Rush?

Because of the letter I was asked to not to participate in the last day of Rush, to which I gladly replied "wait... so I can go watch the Superbowl???" I was also to have a hearing with the faculty advisor the following morning.

The next morning I had my trial. After a Patriots win I was feeling fantastic. This was how I was supposed to feel, and I made the choice to make sure this is how I would feel.

The faculty advisor, the president, rush chair and two sisters from my sorority were at the hearing. My sorority gave their side of the story, which sounded carefully scripted since BitchLaden was asked not to attend the trial, asking that I be stripped of my title as VP of Panhell.

Then it was my turn.

I laid it all out for everyone to hear. The phone calls, the false accusations, the overall harrassment. The president and rush chair backed me up as they were present throughout all of it. I closed by saying I felt betrayed. My own sisters didn't support me, therefore they don't deserve to be my sisters. I handed over my letter of resignation from Panhell AND my letter of deactivation from my sorority.

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Sadly

I didn't think anything would come of posting a craigslist ad in Chicago. I wrote that I wanted a long-distance pen pal. I miss dating, and I thought it would be fun.

I kept emailing with two guys, nothing sexual, just flirty. They both were really cute and fun for conversation.

Then yesterday I get an email from one of them saying he is in Boston for the Sox games and he would love to meet up.

Sadly I didn't hesitate. I had a crappy day, and RedSox wasn't around.

I met up with Salesboy and his friends at a local bar. He was cute, and his friends were hot. I had all my drinks paid for and it was a great time! He told me I was beautiful and that he wants to date me and that I should come out to Chicago.

How I miss men telling me that... and then he planted one on me.

I felt nothing for him, but I did enjoy the kiss.

Sadly, I don't feel bad about it.

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Shipwrecked

The good news is I passed. I went down to the school offices to find out, and I only wanted to know if I passed. Most people found it odd that I didn't want to know my score as well, so I'll try to explain.

I put a lot of pressure on myself because I know I hate memorization, but I knew I had to get through this. I tried really hard to motivate myself to study well for this exam. The sad fact is I think I spent more time pushing myself to study than I actually was able to memorize.

As a result I had two major worries. The first being passing. The second being my score. I got the first one out of the way yesterday, and I emailed everyone with the good news. I got the congratulations from my family, but of course the rents tried to pry into scores, means, class average, national average, etc etc. I didn't know the answers and I was happy not knowing because this meant that we (THEY) could relish in my passing victory.

Today I got my score... and it wasn't stellar. I can kiss the ROAD to happiness goodbye. R.O.A.D= radiology, ophthamology, anethesiology, dermatology. This is going to dissapoint my family. My mother's dream is for me to go into radiology and match at her hospital so we can wreak havoc together. My dad's dream is for me to make buckets of money.

My dream?

My dream doesn't really have anything to do with medicine. My dream is to work out until I've sculpted a diesel body. My dream is to have the cutest dresses, including the entire line of Diane Von Furstenburg. My dream is to live on the top floor of a high-rise, where the elevator opens into the hall of wine. My dream is to travel the world, visiting vineyards and filling that hall of wine.

My dream is just a dream.

So as I come back down to reality, I realize I have a few emails to send. One to the chief of genetics asking if my score is even worthy of her program. The second to a recent graduate who "claims" he didn't do well on the boards. The third... I dunno. I don't really know to whom I can talk. Who would really understand how I feel, other than people stranded on my same life boat. Who would admit that they are in my boat?

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The Disappearing Student

I didn't mean to become the disappearing student. I actually thought I was gonna be the buddy-buddy student. But I'm just hating surgery, and I gotta get out of the environment as soon as I possibly can.

Surgery is interesting. It's really cool, but I'm not allowed to do ANYTHING. In the rare instance that I can suture or control the laporoscopic camera, I flub up in some way. Then a fellow or resident steps in because they're dying to get the operation done and I'm slowing them down.

So I go back to standing. Since I'm scrubbed in and sterile, I can't sit down. I can't touch anything. I have to be a statue... and it BLOWS. My back is killing me.

I'm currently doing my two week elective. It's pretty cool because nobody in my elective knows where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing. As a result, I have taken it upon myself to dictate my own schedule.

I still come in ready to round at 6am. Then I head to "mandatory" morning conference. Basically it's an hour where I get to zone out. After the conference, I get to decide where I'm gonna go. Am I gonna scrub in on a surgery... or am I gonna head to the library for emailing and a nap?

Today I opted for a chill day. After the conference I tooled around for a bit with my classmates. I emailed and relaxed until about 10am. Then I met up with the intern in my elective. He is a cool, gay, black man who hates his life at the moment, too. He let me follow him around, help him do the paperwork, take out chest tubes, etc. I enjoyed my day. At 3:30, I peaced out for a "conference" in front of my TV at home.

Hear me out. I needed a chill day after I freaked out big time yesterday. We found out that our board scores were faxed to the school. The dean said we could call the office and find out how we did. I got stuck in the OR until 4pm yesterday. By the time I got my back straight all offices had closed for the day.

I spent the evening pacing and praying. I call Sister because I knew she could understand. She told me to stop being a pussy little bitch and get my score.

So sometime today I disappeared from the hospital for a bit to find out...

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I hate nurses

Are you a nurse? Do you have a friend who is a nurse? If so, what is your/her problem with life?

I went into my third year thinking the attendings would ignore me, the residents would be mean to me and the nurses would be the ones I run to when I need a happy environment.

WRONG!!!

Nurses are the biggest bitches I have ever encountered in my life. I understand that back in the day they were probably treated poorly because doctors are more revered, but it's freaking 2007. Drop that chip on your shoulder. We're over it and you should be too.

I know I'm only around for 12 weeks, but that is no reason to ignore me or to be rude. If I ask where I can find gauze, please tell me in a polite tone. There's no reason to bark the obvious "It's in the supply closet" and make me feel like an idiot. I know it's in the supply closet, but I don't know where the supply closet is located. Maybe you could elaborate.

As for the nurses in the operating room. I know you've been there for 50 years or more, but I am not familiar with the room. I'm not 100% sure where to stand and what I am allowed to do. There is no need to yell at me for trying to help, nor is there any reason to yell at me when I don't help. My actions are my decision. I make the decision that I think is best for the patient, my grade and myself. Nurses don't really factor in.

I know blaming nurses for my misery might seem childish, but when a patient tells me that he hates a nurse I can only think I might be on to somethinig. Patients come in seeking our help. They succumb to whatever their illness is, admit weakness and lower their pride. They should never be stepped on or mistreated.

I am caught in a bit of a quandary. Most people are telling me to keep my mouth shut and not say anything. This is how the hospital environment is and there is nothing that can be done about it. Nurses are always gonna be the bitches and that's life.

I don't think that's fair. I have occasionally come across a very sweet and kind nurse, someone with whom I could be friends. Why should I sit back in silence when I know it's possible to get along?

What do you think? Should I say something to the chief attending? If so, how should I word it without sounding like a whiny little baby?

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Burn Celebrity "News"

I'm pretty dissapointed in our society. Years ago, I remember the only tabloid in existence was the national enquirer. I occasionally read some of it while waiting in the grocery line, but the stories were so ridiculous I just couldn't comprehend any of it as truth.

Then a new marketing plan came into play. Glossy pages, lots of pictures, a few true stories and best of all... make it look like a legitimate magazine.

I almost fell for it. Luckily I have a bigger brain and stronger mind, never forgetting who I am and what I want. My plan is pretty simple: Have a happy life.

Break it down to having happiness and having a life.

When I read the following story, "Reporter hailed for killing Hilton story", I couldn't have been happier. FINALLY! Someone in the media stood up for true journalism, true news reporting, important issues and concerns.

The same thing should be done for all celebrity reports. Ban that crap to Entertainment channels.

Ok that was rude. Not all celebrity news is crap. Truth is I feel sorry for people who are obsessed with celebrities. They're missing out on a great education... missing out on having their own life.

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3 rants a charm

My surgery rotation is intense. I spend at least 12 hours in the hospital, running around, accomplishing essentially nothing. All I do is observe or help with busy work. I mean, rotations are important but every hospital is designed to run without third year medical students.

I observed 2 mastectomies and breast resconstructions today. They were cool and gross, but standing for hours on end is a serious back killer. If I was actually performing the surgery I bet my back would be fine.

The chief residents are actually great teachers, but they have a tendency to order us around. The interns don't know what to do with us. They are the true bitches in the hierarchy, and I feel bad for them... but send us home or let us go read instead of stringing us along.

And when I'm finally dismissed for the day, exhausted, excited to go home and relax, I still practice courtesy and respect for everyone around me and keep the bitching for all of you.

This brings me to my next rant. I know some people hate it when people are walking and talking on their cell phones, but it's 2007 so deal. I'm on the phone, calling Roomate to see how her first day at her internship went, and I enter the round-a-bout door. A woman on the other side was about to get in, so I didn't push and waved her in. My plan was to push her through out of kindness and common courtesy. She refuses, so I go ahead and push my way out. As I exit, she says "why don't you stop yapping away and push through!" Normally I would have written her off, but after 13 hours running around, I was on a high so I yelled back that I was trying to be nice and push her through. I was good, though. I didn't call her a bitch.

But there is someone I am getting closer to calling a bitch, and that person happens to be Roomate. Imagine someone you consider one of your best friends goes away for a little over a month. You've barely spoken because she doesn't respond to emails or instant messages. She finally gets home. You're excited to see her, but with your ridiculous hours in say... the operating room... you really don't get the opportunity.

Imagine you put a post-it note saying Welcome Back on her door the following morning and later that day after hours of working you get a text message from your friend and it says, "Please get toilet paper. We are out."

How would that make you feel?

It made me feel awful. I know she doesn't know what my days are like, but how about a Hello?

I called her back because I hate texting and it went to voicemail. I'm not sure how my voicemail sounded, but I basically told her my schedule was ridiculous. I would try to get some toilet paper, but don't count on me.

She didn't call back. The next day when I'm on 24 hour call, I get another text telling me she's going home to start her internship and she might not be back the following weekend. I leave a friendly message wishing her good luck. Again nothing.

I tried calling again tonight and again nothing. I'm sure she is not mad at me and is just very excited to be hanging out with her boyfriend or family, but things still feel off. I was worried going into my third year I wouldn't be able to balance friends, family and work... but I know I can.

I didn't expect others would not to be able to balance me.

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I knew I was outta luck the day the music died

Spring Semester 2002

When sophmore year ended, so did me and Hippie. I was pretty unhappy with our relationship anyways. I always wanted to see him. He wanted to hang out with his friends. His friends loved me and were so happy about the relationship, but they had me on watch to make sure I didn't flirt with other men. I was sort of stuck, but luckily the end of the year ended things for me... or so I thought.

In January of 2002, Hippie was back on campus after a summer and semester abroad. In the time that he was away, there was BlondEngineer, Matti, KoreanDancer and plenty of non-memorable kegs... but when I came back for the spring of 2002 I was excited to see Hippie. I was secretly hoping we could start back up. Things would be different this time around.

When I arrived at the party, I saw him but was too drunk to properly think of what to say. We said hello and hugged, but I felt weird. We didn't really chat and I didn't see him for the rest of the night.

The following week, I go out to Sligos and a lot of Hippie's housemates are there. I had just gotten back from downtown after a night with BlondEngineer, and I wasn't in the mood to think about Hippie. But they were all very excited to see me and told me that I just HAD to come to their house party on Saturday.

When Saturday came, I hit up every other party I could before heading over to Hippie's place. I was nervous, but finally I sucked it up and headed over. It was cool because there were a lot of people there, plus I had Twin with me. Hippie and I didn't really make an effort to have a conversation, but finally I got the guts to go over to him.

The attraction was still there and I totally got a vibe from him... but I was still really nervous. The entire house was watching us, waiting to see what would happen.

We didn't hook up that night, but I did stop by the following week. We finally got some alone time. It was late, and I was lying in his bed with him. I felt good. I liked him. I was so happy because this was it... our second chance.

Hippie is holding me tight and then he says, "I'm sorry Roxy but I can't hook up with you... I like someone else."

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I do?

I may be easily annoyed, but I think I'm justified in being bothered by the following story. Maybe people who have gone through a wedding or two could let me know their thoughts.

My friend Lynn got married this weekend. It was a beautiful wedding with plenty of food, lots of free booze and great dancing.

I couldn't enjoy myself.

I spent a lot of time trying to spot the evil sister-in-law (SIL) and her equally evil husband. Apparently a couple of months ago (after several months planning Lynn's wedding), the evil SIL called up Lynn and told her that she was going to be getting married one month before Lynn's wedding. Since she is older than the groom, it was her right to get married before her brother.

Lynn was obviously shocked, blown-away, upset, whatever else you would naturally feel when a person who was soon to become family side-swipes your plans like that, but she couldn't say anything. The evil SIL made sure to declare rather than to ask.

So the evil SIL gets married... in Israel. All of the groom's family members took time off to attend this wedding, which meant they couldn't take all the time off required for Lynn's wedding. All the plans for the wedding WEEK were reduced to plans for the wedding WEEKEND.

You'd like to think that is all, but the evil SIL married an equally evil man who happened to be a groomsman for Lynn's wedding. He decided 2 weeks before the wedding to tell Lynn and the groom that since he is spending a lot of money travelling from Israel, he doesn't want to spend more money renting a tux nor buying one.

Lynn didn't want to cause any trouble so she acquiesced to his demands. All the groomsmen wore suits.

I'm pissed. I am fuming. How dare anyone tell a bride how to have her wedding?

But that's not all. WHY DID THE BRIDE LET THIS HAPPEN???

I could never enter a family that would bully me. I could never allow myself to get bullied. Is it worth it? Should you really say I do?

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