Roxy & Moxie

I used to work as a model for fun. Stylists showed off their skills on my hair and face. Companies had me promote their products to no end.

When SingleGirl asked for help running a Moxie in the City Quiz Dating event, I jumped on board. I had free time. I had experience... I had no idea was quiz dating was so I had to find out.

I have never participated in a singles event. I meet men at bars, walking along on the street, on the train and my favorite... through craigslist. I figured running a singles event would be a great way to check one out, avoiding anxiety and awkwardness.

Women arrived first, and I must admit I was pleasantly surprised. Most were attractive. They would never stand out in a crowd, but definitely cute. Then the men started arriving... oh boy. A few were unattractive and the rest were average joes.

I could tell a lot of the women weren't pleased, but I think everyone decided to make the most of the evening... and it turned out to be a huge success.

I sat on the sidelines observing the event as SingleGirl took on her role as quizmaster. People laughed, joked and high-fived each other with every question. Drinks flowed. Munchies dissapeared. After each round, the men rotated to the next table. More laughs and mingling went on.

By the end of the trivia portion, everyone had met each other. SingleGirl passed out prizes, then she and I packed up to leave. Before we did I took one last look at everyone. The small groups had pulled their tables together. Everyone looked happy, and no one was getting ready to leave.

I am looking forward to the next event, and as a promo girl I want to make sure you at least know about it. Soooo...

Take the time to check out Moxie in the City. There are a ton of events in several cities, and they're more creative than the standard singles event. Maybe I'll see you there.

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Isolated

Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks over Two Decades.

At church this morning, our pastor talked about friendship. He told us that according to the survey above, 25% of americans have no one they can confide in. I feel like I am one of those people.

I have a lot of friends, but I don't call a single one of them. I'm happy to make plans to go out, meet up for drinks, chat about sex, school, work etc... but I don't really talk about my feelings, what's going on with me. I try to avoid conversation about my life all-together.

It's my own fault I feel isolated, at least I am pretty sure I did it to myself. By constantly saying no worries, by never allowing myself to feel, by shunning emotion I have isolated myself from everyone... including myself.

It's been very easy lately. I email with friends all day long, so I pretty much get updates without meeting up. I cannot have a relaxing night because there is ALWAYS something to study, an impending exam. People are in relationships or low on cash. There are plenty of excuses.

I'm trying not to give up, but I worry I did a long time ago.

I appreciate my best friend. She really doesn't know that much about me, but she still calls. She is the only one who gets my behavior and doesn't pass judgement, but she still has no idea what my feelings are because I don't dare tell her.

I appreciate my roomate. She has a ton of her own drama to deal with, but she listens and she encourages me to improve my life.

I appreciate RedSox. He is the first guy I have dated who has not put any pressure on me to be his girlfriend or show affection or emotion. He has never been angry with me for not being vulnerable. He has never blamed me for anything.

I appreciate all my girlfriends. Although we don't really spend time together anymore or chat via any other means than email/AIM/myspace comments, I am very thankful that they keep in touch and tell me about their lives.

I am glad all of these people and more support my education and understand that I will come out when I can, stay as long as can and love them forever.

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A melting pot or a mixed platter?

I never paid attention to diversity in Boston until last night.

After a stressful day at school, I just wanted to relax. RedSox wanted to see me and suggested dinner at a new restaurant I had mentioned.

I went to gym, showered, felt refreshed... decided I wanted to go someplace different for dinner. I made a reservation for Bob's Southern Bistro.

I had been to this restaurant when it was formerly known as Bob the Chefs. It is a great place for music and comfort food. Last night was no different.

As we sipped our drinks and listened to music, I couldn't help but look around at all the diners. There was quite the mix of people. Black, white, asian, older, younger. Even the band was black, white and asian. I loved it!

The evening didn't stop there. We continued on to Wally's where we experienced the same diversity as we met up with friends. I was the only non-white person in our group. I never thought about it before, but I had to bring up the topic of diversity in conversation.

My friend Madge talked about diversity around the world and country, saying Denver was one of the worst cities. People apparently make racist comments all over, and no one thinks twice about it.

It should be interesting when I go to Denver next month...

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All we need is just a little Patience...

When I asked RedSox if we were celebrating Valentines, I inquired with curiosity and defense.

"Did you want to celebrate Valentines? Because I'm totally not expecting to and perfectly fine not doing anything since we're just middle ground."

"Actually I assumed we were. The date just creeped up on me"- RedSox

Growing up I was taught that Valentines is the one day out of the year that a man can show he is romantic, and all the commercial industries offer plenty of help so that much thought isn't needed... and yet somehow most men still fail.

I've never experienced the failure. Either I've been single on Valentines, or I went ahead and planned the holiday. There is no failure when I do the work.

When I told this to RedSox, he said that he wanted to plan it. I had a bit of an anxiety attack because this meant reliquishing control, but I submitted and also started thinking of other plans since I was sure he would fail.

I get every single events/restaurant/entertainment email one could possibly receive in Boston, so I knew of pretty much everything going on for Valentines. I deleted most of them because I wasn't planning the day. One did strike me, though. It was a Valentines dinner with live Sinatra music. I had to tell RedSox, because I just LOVE Sinatra.

He jokingly got mad at me for trying to plan Valentines, and he told me that he planned on cooking for me. I was pretty excited because I love men in the kitchen.

The day before Valentines he asked me about Mistral, my favorite restaurant in Boston, because his friend wanted to know my thoughts on it. I told him to tell his friend that it is my favorite restaurant but I'm sure it's booked for the holiday. RedSox admitted he was the "friend," and figured that was the case.

I thought he was cooking for me?

At this point I pretty much decided the holiday was going to be a wash-out, but I wouldn't be upset because I already assumed he was going to fail.

On Valentine's day, a snow storm hit Boston. RedSox and I chatted online throughout the day. Before he signed off, he told me he would call about picking me up.

Around 6pm I felt a twinge of hunger. I called just to get an idea of what time. He was at the grocery store buying everything and told me 7pm. Around 6:45pm, I received a delivery of roses. They were beautiful and I forgot about the time.

At 7:30, I felt hungry and called again. He was still out buying stuff, apologized and said he would drop everything off and come over. At 8:15, I ate a piece of cake.

At approximately 8:45pm, he picked me up. I'm not mad though. This is what happens on Valentines... plus I had beautiful roses to stare at.

When he opened the door to his place, there were candles lit all over the place and he had Sinatra playing in every room. He opened a bottle of Pinot Noir from the Willamette Valley and banned me from the kitchen to cook. I relaxed with great wine and some TV.

The meal was excellent. Everything was fabulous.

I realized I need to have a little more faith in men and exercise patience, because I'm sure I couldn't have planned anything better.

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A Curious Union

What could possibly be better? or grosser?

I love guinness. I happen to enjoy Marmite. I know most people find either or both disgusting, but I think they're fabulous.

After all, my Indian exterior is a total sham. I am positive I was meant to be Irish or British.

When my friend sent me the article on this marriage, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Of course I had to blog about it.

These are two flavors that don't seem to mix, much like me and RedSox. We are totally different people: different personalities, different looks, different interests, etc etc.

Yet we work.

I can't wait for this product to hit the US market.

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Just dating

When it comes to myself, I hate being called "girlfriend," and I DO NOT want to call the guy I'm dating "boyfriend." I am happy just dating. Thankfully, RedSox is as well.

I don't know what he really thinks about relationships, but I know what I think.

For me boyfriend/girlfriend is on the same plane as husband/wife. As far as I'm concerned, the ONLY difference is the latter involves the law.

Girlfriend comes with a ton of obligations, a lot of "supposed to" and "have to."

I don't HAVE to be faithful to RedSox. I choose to.

I'm not SUPPOSED to support him. I want to.

I'm not OBLIGED to do anything with him or for him. I love to.

I fear a loss of freedom and independence that comes with the "girlfriend" title, so until I feel comfortable, safe, supported, loved, cared for... fearless, I am happy just dating.

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Geek Gifts

Yup I'm a nerd.

I was top of my class in high school, got my B.S. in chemical engineering. Now I'm in medical school.

I love to learn. I love science. I love math. I wouldn't change a thing.

Thank God I'm attractive and can get away with all of this.

For all the geeks out there, here are some gifts for you:


Dopamine Earrings


Circuit Board Money Clip

There is plenty more! www.fractalspin.com

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Suddenly Sour

One of my exes described me with the phrase "from one extreme to the next." My sorority nickname was Infinity because I "do things to the extreme." Actually I just hooked up the most guys out of all my sisters...

While before people were referring to my level of excitement/activity, today I feel like it has more to do with my emotions.

Today started out great! Time at the gym flew. I paid attention in class. I learned about a cool Polish restaurant in town. I won a $100 gift certificate for shoes. I was FLYING high.

Now I'm at a big low. Without thinking, I talked over people who were in charge of a lunch meeting. I apologized the second I became aware of my rudeness, but I just can't get it out of my mind.

I just received a library assignment back... YES... a freaking assignment corrected by the librarian. I did fine, but she had a lot of comments to make on my "fake" assignment.

Yes, I had to make up a "fake" question and research it for learning purposes. Apparently my question was so good that there hasn't been enough research on the topic yet. I should be submitting it for grant funding instead. What a crock!

And then RedSox invites me to go out for live music tonight. I generally don't care for live music unless it's Sinatra or something ethnic. I have the apartment to myself tonight, so I declined. He replies that he doesn't have to go if I want to do something else.

I should realize he just wants to hang out with me, but I'm thinking more along the lines of I'm ruining his night.

I'm going to go do my deep breathing exercises and try to study. oh joy!

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Valentine's Deals

I know the day after a holiday is usually the best day for shopping, but here are a few deals for now.




www.kitschnglam.com
Save 15% with discount code BOSTONWINE.
I bought the cutest apron from this designer and wore it when I cooked for RedSox. (Not the one shown above, although I absolutely love it!)

http://www.bloomingdales.com/
30% off with the code FEB30.
I just bought a Calvin Klein coat on sale... and then got an additional 30% off with this code.

www.lancome-usa.com
TODAY ONLY free shipping, but for a limited time get a deluxe sample collection with a $50+ purchase using the code DESIR.

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You're not my type, but I'm still into you

An old friend of mine from college contacted me through friendster. We haven't talked in over 3 years, but it felt like old times catching up with her.

Mano and I became friends our freshman year. Things dwindled a bit here and there as we became friends with other people, but I would run into her at parties and we always had a good time.

Our senior year (2003), I ran into her at a bar with her boyfriend. I can't remember his exact face, but I do remember thinking he wasn't very good-looking.

Mano is beautiful. She always dated hot guys. To top it all off she is incredibly intelligent and super sweet. When I not-so-subtley questioned her choice, she admitted that he wasn't her type.

I didn't think this guy was gonna last, but apparently he has... and in October he will become her husband.

RedSox isn't my type at all. He is BIG, as I've mentioned a thousand times. He is shy and nervous around me. He is hesistant to make decisions. He is not the life of the party. He isn't super social and outgoing. He is way too nice.

I joked with him today that I must not be his type, and he agreed.

Ahem

I asked him to lay it all out and promised not to get upset.

He told me I'm more aggressive, sexually liberal and emotionally distant than all the girls he has dated in the past.

I concur.

I asked him why he still dated me, but he had no answer. We ended the topic right there.

I know why he dates me. It is the same reason I date him.

He's not my type, but I'm still into him.

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Intelligence- my downfall?

Straight A's were a piece of cake back in the day. I hardly studied, maybe cracked a book 5 mins before a quiz or test. I actually loved taking tests. They confirmed how awesome I was.

That has all changed.

Tests are making me feel really stupid. I study all the freaking time, and I've got nothing to show for it. Occasionally a decent score, but it's still not good enough!

I'm not at the top. I'm lucky if I can even hit the average.

I don't get it. I feel like I lost my mojo.

But something wonderful just happened...

On my way back from running errands, I made a choice to not be upset about my screw-up on my exam this morning. I would try to look on the bright side. One exam is nothing in the long run.

I'm walking up the stairs to my apartment, positive that I will feel better, and there they are...

A bouquet of flowers from RedSox to cheer me up.

Intelligence isn't my downfall after all, but focusing on little mishaps in life might be.

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I screwed over Valentine's Day

My favorite Valentine's story of all time...

The internet peaked when I was in high school, and I was totally riding high on the wave of communicating with strangers.

I started chatting with Oklahoma when I was 15. We connected in a chat room and hit it off instantly. I'd say I'm a pretty good judge of character by the style of writing in an email, and Oklahoma seemed like a great guy. I would get very excited any time I got an email from him. I felt like I had a secret relationship.

We chatted for a very long time and he asked me for my address so that he could send pictures. I trusted him (and thankfully was correct in judgment), so I gave him my home address. I got the pics. He was HOT! Conversation continued.

About a month or so later Valentine's Day came along, and I received a phone call from a local flower shop in my town. They had a delivery of red roses for me coming at 2pm. I flipped out and jumped for joy at the same time.

You see... Valentine's day happened to fall on a Sunday, so BOTH my parents were home. As a 15 year old Indian girl, I'm not supposed to date.

I didn't know how I was going to handle this. I didn't even know who was sending me flowers!

I casually told my parents that "someone" was coming around 2pm. The cryptic message worked against me. They couldn't stop asking questions. I didn't give answers. My father kept running to the window when he heard a car come down the street. I had to stand guard at the front door.

Finally the delivery guy game. Both my parents were directly behind me as I opened the front door... only a crack. This was it. The flowers were coming towards me. I had no plan. I was going to get in trouble and get shipped off to a convent. My life was soon to be over. (Gawd, being 15 sucks).

And then it all came together at the last second.

I saw the card sticking out of the flowers. When the delivery guy handed the vase to me, I ripped off the card and shoved it in my pocket. I twirled around and handed the flowers to my parents with a big "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY MOM AND DAD!!!!"

Typical dad commented on the absurdity of spending so much money on flowers. My mom on the other hand was overjoyed... tears in her eyes.

I was in the clear.

I ran upstairs to my room, wiped off the sweat and opened the card.

"Half a dozen now. The other half when we meet"- Oklahoma

I was so happy... but exhausted. I went back downstairs, flipped on the TV and decided I wasn't going to move from the couch.

My mom came in to watch some TV with me. When the show ended, she asked me if I wanted to go to the mall. I really did not want to move, so I said no. She kept pressing me though, and I gave in.

At the mall my mom bee-lined to American Eagle, took this puffy vest I had been coveting off the rack and went straight to the register to buy it. Just the other day she told me it was too expensive and impractical.

She bought the vest for me as a Thank You for the flowers.

I probably should have felt guilty, but let's be honest... I scored three times on the same holiday.

A romantic gesture from my secret man gave me beautiful flowers to look at on the kitchen counter, I pleased my parents, AND I scored the coolest puffy vest to show off at school the next day.

I OWNED Valentine's Day that year and I'll never forget it.

10 years later, I still have the card from Oklahoma... and I still wear my puffy vest.

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Fight or Flight

No Worries. Zen. Chill.

These are a few words people have used to describe me. I come across as someone who doesn't let trivial things piss me off, someone who goes with the flow, someone relaxed.

I am anything but relaxed. I don't have time to relax. I need things to keep moving. I expect people to pick up the pace. I demand immediate action and immediate results.

I have an incredible amount of anxiety. I can only imagine the worst. I can't help but think people don't like me. I always have my guard up.

I am in a constant state of fight-or-flight, sympathetic nerves firing away. Oops, I'll save the explanation for the board exam.

Deep down I've known this, but I have learned to ignore it and shove the anxiety aside. I've reached a point in my life where I think I'm acting one way but now others see the truth.

Only today have I been able to acknowledge my behavior. Today I opened my eyes and saw the true Roxy. I hated what I saw, and it hurt to realize that I have ignored myself for so long.

Today I will start to change. I will breath with my stomach and not my chest. I will stop running, stop being scared, stop hiding. I will listen to myself and heal.

Only when I have achieved all of this will I truly be No Worries, Zen, Chill.

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Can I borrow some socks?

I was resting comfortably in RedSox's bed one morning when the fire alarm goes off in his building. I didn't move at first because fire doesn't scare me.

When I was a kid and mom travelled somewhere, dad was left to cook on his own. The man is pathetic in the kitchen, but he thinks he knows what he is doing.

One night I'm watching TV while dad is frying fish on the stove. My back is to the kitchen. Suddenly I hear a "whoosh" and there is extra light in the room. I turned around to see a grease fire on the stove.

I didn't feel alarmed. In fact I waited a few seconds to see if dad would notice. When I heard him turn the page of the newspaper, I realized he had no idea. So I calmly said, "dad?"

He replied, "what?"

"umm, there's a fire on the stove."

"WHAT!!!!!"

He jumped up and thundered over to the stove. Because he is a BRILLIANT man, he didn't turn off the stove and throw a cover over the pan. He pick up the pan, threw it in the sink and turned on the water.

The fire went out by the grace of God, but black smoke billowed up.

Once again not alarmed, I calmly got up and opened windows and doors to let the smoke out.

This has happened twice. Now my mom cooks a ton of microwavable food before she leaves my dad alone.

Back to RedSox's apartment. I decided to get up and find him. He is sitting in his TV room checking up on the Celtics on the internet. I asked him if we should check out the hallway to see if there is any reason to leave the building.

He opens the door, and there's steam building up in the hallway. He runs back in and says we should evacuate to be on the safe side. Within 10 seconds he's ready to go.

Now I had worn a corset the night before, so I wasn't about to take the time to put that on, so I put on one of his shirts. I had also worn thigh-highs, but didn't see the need to take the time to put those on. I'm searching for my socks, clearly taking up way too much time. I asked to borrow some socks, put them on and off we went.

We encountered some firemen on the way down and they said it was a furnace issue that is being taken care of, and we can head back up to the apartment.

We get back up to the apartment, take off our shoes and relax on the sofa.

I turn to RedSox and say, "I'm the worst fire victim. Had that been a real emergency, I totally deserve to die."

RedSox replies, "It's all because you couldn't just put your boots on barefoot. You HAD to borrow some socks."

What can I say? I didn't want stinky feet.

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