Cuss & Gossip

I don't like to swear. I do it, just like anyone else. It usually happens in an angry moment or it can go on continuously when drunk, but all in all I don't like it. I do love gossip, not gonna lie... but I try my darndest NOT to do it. I don't want people talking about me, so I'll do my best not to talk about others.

I don't mind, though, when others cuss... unless they sound extremely uneducated. I don't mind when others gossip because I get all the dirt.

What I'm finding is that Ob/Gyn docs drop the F bomb like it's a standard medical term and they gossip about each other like the latest US magazine.

The whole atmosphere really isn't me, yet I fit. Because I get along with just about everyone, the Ob/Gyns have taken a liking to me. Since I remain quiet, they treat me like an untainted child. It's weird, but cool.

I'm just worried that a few more weeks of this and I'll be one of them.

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The Sick Cycle

I think I've mentioned I've been sick on every single rotation this year. Twice on Medicine... Three times if you count food poisoning. It's not fun, and frankly I'm tired of it.

Part of it I can't control. I'm in the freaking hospital, surrounded by sick people. I am bound to catch something.

The other part I can. I could stop biting my nails (which I'm sure is the true reason). I could eat better.

My father is convinced it's because I don't cover my neck. Since I was a child, he stressed the importance of covering one's neck. No matter how or when I got sick, the next day HE would be wearing a scarf around his neck 24/7 and boast "see... I'm not sick because I'm wearing a scarf."

This made no sense to me, and we have fought over it several times. And every time it ends up being the same argument that somehow ends in a touche when one of us has knicked the other in the shoulder.

Let's take the most recent fencing session at Easter dinner, where I'm having coughing fits left and right.

"Roxy, you know you wouldn't keep getting sick if you just covered your neck"

"Dad, you know I wouldn't keep getting sick if I wasn't in medical school."

"How would being in medical school give you food poisoning? HA"

"How would wearing a scarf have prevented food poisoning? HA! HA!"

Silence.

Then we just turned our attention back to the television.

Until next time....

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Toddler Dating

I don't think my style of dating has changed since I was in nursery school now that I think about it.

Roomie's 4 year-old niece: I was sad because my boyfriend un-dated me, but another boy in my class likes me so I think he'll be my new boyfriend.

If only break-ups were this simple for everyone at any age.

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Dad and the Internet

So I get this email from my father today:

Roxy,
These days employers ( Residency , Internship, Landlords ----- ) check the prospective candidates in Face Book, My Space, etc. Your picture with a bottle (Beer) is not a presentable one to a future employer. Employers prefer conservative looks and conservative dressing. Dad

So I changed my picture, one where I cropped off the champagne glass, and then replied to my father's email:

Dad,
I changed my picture, but I only look presentable when drinking.
Love, Roxy

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The Apple fell straight down from the Tree

Me: Hey dad, I've been calling mom's cell but she's not picking up.

Dad: She's at a bar.

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Life Can't Wait

The other night I couldn't fall asleep. I hadn't yet been able to handle a full meal. I hadn't yet worked the outpatient clinic. I couldn't keep my mind off residency and impending exams. I was freaking out about my meeting with the Dean in a couple weeks, and my headache since vomit-rama wouldn't go away.

I didn't know what to do, so I prayed. It had been a while. I prayed and begged for help, for forgiveness, for answers. I told God I was tired of everything. I hate how much 3rd year dissapoints me. I hate how difficult studying is. I hate that I'm tired all the time and can barely concentrate. I hate that I hate.

I cried, and got upset that I was crying because my lack of fluids was probably the main cause of the headache. But something happened when I let it all out. When I let myself admit my own vulnerability, my headache went away. I instantly started feeling better, and I made a decision to change my attitude. Then I fell asleep.

The next morning I felt refreshed. I checked my email as usual and saw a banner stating "Life Can't Wait." It turned out to be a contest where people enter their story about how life can't wait. I read entries about surviving divorce and abuse, living with chronic disease and never giving up on dreams.

I realized that I had my own "Life Can't Wait" moment when I cried at 2am, so I entered my own story in the contest. I talked about how much med school was weighing on me, but that I could and WOULD triumph because in the end it's not about me.

Yesterday I received an email from a woman who read my entry. She told me she was rooting for me because it was clear from my entry that I was going into medicine for the right reasons. She told me her story, which is a link to the right of my blog called Julianne's Journey. I felt further encouraged and inspired... and even more sure that genetics is right for me.

I hope in a few weeks, I will continue to feel this way. Then I can hold my head high as the dean lays down the cold truth. I wil tell her that I'll show her what I can do... and then I will do it.

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Wiped Out

I've always been quick on the recovery. My orthodonist loved how quickly my teeth moved into place. My oral surgeon loved that I was up and about the day of wisdom teeth removal. My docs were always impressed with my athletic blood pressure.

After 9 weeks of inpatient medicine, I guess my body was more exhausted than I had realized. Getting food poisoning on Saturday wiped me out until today! That's 3+ days. I mean ok, so I give the flu it's obligatory 3 days of fevers/aches/chills, but no other illness was allowed this much time.

Anyways, I'm back on my feet but freaking out because i've lost some precious study time. I'm off to hit the books. Only 2 more weeks of medicine and then Ob/Gyn and then I am officially starting my 4th year.

Holy F!

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Food Poisoning

I thought I had just developed lactose intolerane. I felt gassy at first, and kept leaving the room ready to explode. It didn't happen. The pain escalated, so I just went to bed.

I felt badly. RedSox was sick with a bad cold, and I couldn't take care of him. In fact, he ended up taking care of me.

Around midnight I got up and vomitted in an amazon box. I couldn't stop. Out came my burrito... it must have been the culprit.

I felt better, but not for long. Every hour I had to expel. It got so bad that RedSox wanted to take me to the ER. I refused. I'm one of those "doctors are the worst patients" types.

Anyways, I didn't go to the ER. I just drank as much water as I could and let my body get rid of the toxin. I continued to feel crappy, and so did RedSox.

But now we've officially seen each other at our worst... and it's ok.

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