Last night's post

I wrote last night's post in anger. I should probably write a little bit more before everyone jumps on the bandwagon of me quitting medical school because you all only know what I write. Most don't know what it is like to be indian-american. My career is actually the least of the problem.

My rent is $1300. My share with the ex-roomate was $550. My father sent me an email yesterday saying that he only paid the usual $550 for October. "Relax. Wait to see if the landlord says anything. Then we will address it." I was fuming!

To me this is the equivalent of stealing. I called my mom very upset because I have a great relationship with my landlord. He has always been very fare and kind and this could ruin everything.

It set me off because I spend a lot of time SAVING my parents money. I work for a gym so I get membership for free. I go to free parties so I don't spend their money. I date rich men so my parents don't have to pay for my expensive meals.

I have talked to Sister about how much of a hard time I have in medicine. She struggled even more than I did. She failed the boards... TWICE. She had to take an extra year to finish up her program. She didn't match into a residency program. She had hard times in the residency she scrambled to get.

She went through a lot more pressure and bull-shit from my parents and medical staff than I do... but she did it anyways and LOVES her job.

Sister told me that as much as this struggle sucks, it is really worth it in the end. I will find my niche. Every doctor says the same thing. Medical school and residency suck. They're like 7-10years of pledging a fraternity. You go through hell, but the brotherhood is worth it.

The true fear I have is not that I will be a bad doctor or that medicine isn't for me. The honest concern is that I will become my parents... I will do anything to avoid that.

So I will talk to my parents today to see what will be done about the rent. If dad decides not to pay it, then he's an idiot for providing a joint-account and I'll just cut a check from that.

I sent an email to the Chief of Genetics to talk to her and see what I can do, and pending her response I'll talk to the deans and consider taking a year off.

I don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing, but I lost my way a long time ago and it will be tough to find it again.