Awkward Run-Ins

I have a tendency to delete people from my life once they've proven to be a waste of a human being. In doing so, it's almost like they no longer exist.

Of course in the back of my mind I know they are alive and probably doing well and living their lives somewhere. I pray to God that I never have to cross paths again, because there is nothing that raises my level of anxiety more than running into someone from the past who has "wronged" me in some way.

When it happens, all the emotion comes flooding back into my mind. I can only feel hatred towards them. I can only feel hate, and it is the worst feeling in the world.

Yesterday when I had my practice day with standardized patients, I was already feeling quite anxious. I hate doing fake patient interviews and physical exams while being evaluated. There is just too much pressure not to screw up and forget to ask certain questions or perform particular tasks.

I got my scenario and in walked my fake patient with his fake mother... the mother being a woman from my past who I "hate." I did the best that I could, pretending like I never knew her... acting. She was, after all, supposed to be treated like a real patient's mother.

This woman was one of my small group instructors last year. The meetings were mandatory, and we met at 4pm every week. There were a few times we tried to meet at 1pm, but it never happened.

There was one day where I was all set for my 4pm meeting. I had an appointment at 1:30pm. I figured I'd go and come back in time. After our last class ended at 12:15pm, I checked my email and saw a string of emails between this woman and the director of the course trying to schedule our meeting time for 1pm.

I emailed her telling her I had an appt at 1:30pm. If it turned out we were meeting at 4pm, I would be there. If not, I would forward my research along to a classmate.

The group ended up meeting at 1pm. My classmate presented my research for me.

The next day I get an email from the office of education saying that this woman had reported me for missing the meeting. It turned into a dramatic affair. My ethics and my commitment to education were questioned. My honor and maturity were shamed. I had to have a meeting with the dean.

It was an awful experience and I was incredibly angry. I couldn't see how it was my fault for other people changing meeting times at the last second. I was angry at this woman. She received my email saying I couldn't make it. My classmates informed her of my 1:30pm appointment that I couldn't (ok wouldn't) re-schedule. She never replied or acknowledged any of my efforts to rectify the situation.

She reported me, and put my integrity into question.

After my encounter with her yesterday, the feedback I received was excellent. I forgot to ask a couple of key questions, but overall everyone praised my history and physical exam skills. I curtly thanked her, then diverted my eye-contact. She no longer existed (once again).