Placate and Reciprocate, don't Berate

Just when I thought things were on the up, I had to go ahead and get slapped in the face again.

Yesterday my presentation went well. A few surgeons complimented me, and I was feeling good. My classmates and I divided up the mandatory cases and off we went. I had a couple hours before my case, so I took the time to study and "intelligently" prep for the case. You'll get the quotations in a second.

On the way down to the OR, I get a page telling me that one of the chief residents is extremely angry with me for not going to cases in the morning. I can't help but think, What the F? No other OR case was mandatory.

This chief is a total Jekyll and Hyde with us. Our first day he told us to make the most of our time, to learn and get involved in a way that works best for us. I personally told him last week that the OR doesn't work for me, and he told me that I need to find a more intelligent way to prep and get involved when I do go to the OR.

THAT IS WHAT I WAS DOING! I read up on recent studies so that I could ask the surgeon about them. IT WORKED! I had a great conversation and better learning experience during my case.

When I run into the chief later, he tells me that the OR is our #1 priority and we should be there ALL the time. So much for learning the way that works the best for me.

I'm feeling frustrated, but I guess this is the life of a third year med student and I just need to shut up and take it.

Now, while all this is going on, something else is brewing with Roomate.

My memory is shot. My priority is making sure I remember what to do at the hospital and what I have to study. So when I emailed Roomate asking her if she wanted to try a double-date or have a fondue-night this weekend, I'm expecting nothing but a positive response to my attempt at mending our friendship.

Instead I get a curt response saying, "You know I'm gone this weekend right?"

I immediately replied saying, "wow... sorry.. i need to get my head on straight.
Yes you are gone thursday evening until monday/tuesday. I apologize."

Her reply, "No, I think I have told you several times, but I get back Sunday."

Some of you might be reading this as completely harmless emailing, but I felt a very cold and rude vibe from her replies.

I emailed her back.

I told her that it was a momentary memore lapse and I just ran with my excitement about hanging out. I told her about getting berated at the hospital. I told her that I am stressed beyond belief. I told her I would appreciate a little more sensitivity towards my feelings.

I don't know what to say right now. I'm not even sure how I feel. I approached her on Saturday night about moving out and our friendship. I thought everything was cool. I made the attempt to make plans to hang out. I don't like to complain, but I feel like I am doing all the work to mend our relationship.

Honestly, I don't think she wants to be my friend. It's pretty sad and disheartening... and now I'm off to the OR with another red cheek.