Better Off Alone

I don't think I am relationship material. More and more lately I miss going out, flirting with whomever and trying to hook my friends up. I can't do that anymore... not while in a relationship.

Last night, I went out with a couple of med school friends. I'm half-way through surgery and others had finished a 6 week block. It was party time. I was really happy because I never get to go out anymore. Either I'm tired or anyone I ask is not in the mood.

When Madge asked me to meet up for drinks, I was excited! We were going to a popular place where there were tons of guys and great dancing...

But I had RedSox with me. He is not much of a dancer, so that kinda puts me out of the mood. He wasn't feeling very social, so that again puts me out of the mood.

I finally perked up when my girl Ems wanted a guy. She was being shy and that immediately gave me a mission: I'm gonna hook Ems up. It turned out the guy she wanted was a buddy of one of our friends.

Perfect! I jumped in between the two and started chatting up our friend. That left the guy wide open for Ems to come in. She was holding back so I decided to introduce them. I had to keep our friend away, though, so I kept chatting with him.

RedSox did not like this at all. He took it as me flirting away with another man and got super jealous.

I hate jealousy. I do not flirt with other men to make my man jealous. I flirt with other men to get their friends to flirt with my friends.

I explained this to RedSox, but his feelings had already been hurt. He didn't get it and accused me of being too drunk. That is when I lost it.

There was no screaming match. I'm never interested in public battles. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I just walked out of the bar and headed back towards his car. He followed. Neither one of us said a word until we got back to his place. I jumped into bed, and that's when he asked if we could talk.

We had a good discussion. I understood his view, and what things looked like to him. I hope he understood my view. I guess we resolved everything. I don't quite remember the convo.

But the whole experience just fuels my desire to go back to being single.

As much as I love RedSox, the thought of being alone doesn't upset me. I have never wanted a boyfriend. I have never needed a relationship.

PLUS, I don't know where residency is going to take me, but I know I'm hoping for NYC, Chicago, DC or Seattle... not Boston.