Can I borrow some socks?

I was resting comfortably in RedSox's bed one morning when the fire alarm goes off in his building. I didn't move at first because fire doesn't scare me.

When I was a kid and mom travelled somewhere, dad was left to cook on his own. The man is pathetic in the kitchen, but he thinks he knows what he is doing.

One night I'm watching TV while dad is frying fish on the stove. My back is to the kitchen. Suddenly I hear a "whoosh" and there is extra light in the room. I turned around to see a grease fire on the stove.

I didn't feel alarmed. In fact I waited a few seconds to see if dad would notice. When I heard him turn the page of the newspaper, I realized he had no idea. So I calmly said, "dad?"

He replied, "what?"

"umm, there's a fire on the stove."

"WHAT!!!!!"

He jumped up and thundered over to the stove. Because he is a BRILLIANT man, he didn't turn off the stove and throw a cover over the pan. He pick up the pan, threw it in the sink and turned on the water.

The fire went out by the grace of God, but black smoke billowed up.

Once again not alarmed, I calmly got up and opened windows and doors to let the smoke out.

This has happened twice. Now my mom cooks a ton of microwavable food before she leaves my dad alone.

Back to RedSox's apartment. I decided to get up and find him. He is sitting in his TV room checking up on the Celtics on the internet. I asked him if we should check out the hallway to see if there is any reason to leave the building.

He opens the door, and there's steam building up in the hallway. He runs back in and says we should evacuate to be on the safe side. Within 10 seconds he's ready to go.

Now I had worn a corset the night before, so I wasn't about to take the time to put that on, so I put on one of his shirts. I had also worn thigh-highs, but didn't see the need to take the time to put those on. I'm searching for my socks, clearly taking up way too much time. I asked to borrow some socks, put them on and off we went.

We encountered some firemen on the way down and they said it was a furnace issue that is being taken care of, and we can head back up to the apartment.

We get back up to the apartment, take off our shoes and relax on the sofa.

I turn to RedSox and say, "I'm the worst fire victim. Had that been a real emergency, I totally deserve to die."

RedSox replies, "It's all because you couldn't just put your boots on barefoot. You HAD to borrow some socks."

What can I say? I didn't want stinky feet.