The Disappearing Student

I didn't mean to become the disappearing student. I actually thought I was gonna be the buddy-buddy student. But I'm just hating surgery, and I gotta get out of the environment as soon as I possibly can.

Surgery is interesting. It's really cool, but I'm not allowed to do ANYTHING. In the rare instance that I can suture or control the laporoscopic camera, I flub up in some way. Then a fellow or resident steps in because they're dying to get the operation done and I'm slowing them down.

So I go back to standing. Since I'm scrubbed in and sterile, I can't sit down. I can't touch anything. I have to be a statue... and it BLOWS. My back is killing me.

I'm currently doing my two week elective. It's pretty cool because nobody in my elective knows where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing. As a result, I have taken it upon myself to dictate my own schedule.

I still come in ready to round at 6am. Then I head to "mandatory" morning conference. Basically it's an hour where I get to zone out. After the conference, I get to decide where I'm gonna go. Am I gonna scrub in on a surgery... or am I gonna head to the library for emailing and a nap?

Today I opted for a chill day. After the conference I tooled around for a bit with my classmates. I emailed and relaxed until about 10am. Then I met up with the intern in my elective. He is a cool, gay, black man who hates his life at the moment, too. He let me follow him around, help him do the paperwork, take out chest tubes, etc. I enjoyed my day. At 3:30, I peaced out for a "conference" in front of my TV at home.

Hear me out. I needed a chill day after I freaked out big time yesterday. We found out that our board scores were faxed to the school. The dean said we could call the office and find out how we did. I got stuck in the OR until 4pm yesterday. By the time I got my back straight all offices had closed for the day.

I spent the evening pacing and praying. I call Sister because I knew she could understand. She told me to stop being a pussy little bitch and get my score.

So sometime today I disappeared from the hospital for a bit to find out...