PanHELL

Spring Semester 2002

I guess I should have seen this coming. It took us into February to finally get together. BlondEngineer was upset with me after our hook-up because he didn't want to be just another kicked keg. But most of all, I was going through all the levels of hell as I took charge of my role as the VP of Panhell.

Sorority rush takes place at the beginning of the spring semester. It's a huge competition amongst the various houses AND all the girls rushing. As the VP of Panhell, this entire shebang was almost entirely under my supervision. I had to come up with the theme, organize the schedule, make sure people were where they were supposed to be, etc etc. Everything was set, and nothing was different from the prior years. I trusted the neutral sisters to do their job. I'm not a micro-manager. It's not my style.

Unfortunately this displeased a lot of my sorority sisters. I did my very best to maintain neutrality and fairness, and a couple of girls from MY house made it clear that I should be working in the best interest of MY house.

I should say that it was really just ONE girl from my house who caused all the drama. She acted like a neurotic freak, and it didn't help that her bug eyes made her look like one... maybe she has Graves Disease. I like to refer to her as BitchLaden.

Anyways, incessant phone calls. "Where is the next group? Why isn't such & such happening? What is going on with X and Y? We don't want this girl coming to our house etc, etc, etc." It was a nightmare! In reality everything was going according to plan, but this girl had to be a bitch about everything.

It hurt. It hurt my feelings. I looked really bad in front of the council. I lived with a couple of neutral girls from another sorority and they couldn't believe what was going on. Their sorority and the other one on campus were so kind to me. They only called if they wanted clarification on a rule or there was something else they were unsure of.

The night before the very last day of Rush, I snapped. I was in physical and emotional pain. This was not how my sisters were supposed to treat me. I got fed up and left an away message on AOL making it very clear that I hated my sorority and loved the others.

The next day, Superbowl Sunday, I grudgingly headed to the campus center to run the final day of Rush. When I got there, all the neutral girls got up and left the room awkwardly, giving me looks of sympathy. I was left alone with the president and rush chair. They handed me a violation letter, addressed to me... from my own sorority.

Apparently BitchLaden read my away message, and accused me of violating neutrality. Now I don't think there was any way any of the little freshman girls could have read my away message, but it was possible. Even if one of them did, all I said was that I hated a certain sorority. There was no indication that I was a sister in that sorority. More importantly, what was BitchLaden doing putzing around online when she had work to do for Rush?

Because of the letter I was asked to not to participate in the last day of Rush, to which I gladly replied "wait... so I can go watch the Superbowl???" I was also to have a hearing with the faculty advisor the following morning.

The next morning I had my trial. After a Patriots win I was feeling fantastic. This was how I was supposed to feel, and I made the choice to make sure this is how I would feel.

The faculty advisor, the president, rush chair and two sisters from my sorority were at the hearing. My sorority gave their side of the story, which sounded carefully scripted since BitchLaden was asked not to attend the trial, asking that I be stripped of my title as VP of Panhell.

Then it was my turn.

I laid it all out for everyone to hear. The phone calls, the false accusations, the overall harrassment. The president and rush chair backed me up as they were present throughout all of it. I closed by saying I felt betrayed. My own sisters didn't support me, therefore they don't deserve to be my sisters. I handed over my letter of resignation from Panhell AND my letter of deactivation from my sorority.