Sliders

I'm a closet sci-fi/fantasy geek. I can't wait to see Eragon. I still haven't unwrapped my Lord of the Rings trilogy. I love X-files, including the techno remix of the theme song... and YES... I own a light saber.

One of my favorite shows of all time is Sliders. I loved the idea of alternate universes, parallel worlds where the people were essentially the same but the worlds were different and so were their lives. Women ruled. Russia took over America. Penicillin didn't exist.

I often imagined how I would be different. What would I be like if my parents never left India? What if I wasn't Indian? What if I was Indian French? All the possibilities. All the fantasies.

Today I was sitting at Christmas service completely bummed out, and slightly hungover. I am freaking out about 2007. Medical school is unfreakingbelievably hard for me. I love science. I love people. I even love medicine. BUT I HATE MEDICAL SCHOOL. I can't stand the majority of my classmates. I can't believe the people who are going to be doctors.

I admit I am jealous that they're able to memorize everything and spit it back out on exams... and still remember the useless crap afterwards, but that's not what medicine is supposed to be about.

Unfortunately, that's what the first 2 years of medical school are all about. Memorize, spit, memorize again, spit again. It is miserable. I'm tired and unhappy, and everyone knows that I don't do well when I'm unhappy. In high school I used to pretend to like a class, then magically I would like it and get an A. For some reason that tactic is not working with medical school.

Did I mention I take USMLE step 1 in June? This is quite possibly the MOST important exam I will take in medical school. The score I receive on this exam will determine my residency. In case you were wondering, I'm passing... just... passing. If I just pass Step 1, I'm gonna end up as a primary care or something worse if that's even possible. I honestly can't imagine anything worse than primary care.

Today I was trying to be thankful for everything I have. I was trying to not want to get the best residency, rather to find happiness. I can't think of a time I was ever truly happy. There are fleeting moments, but that is about it. Then I thought about alternate lives. In each one I am alone with my creativity, my financial freedom, my happy life.

If only I had Quinn's timer right now. I'd open the portal and jump, and keep jumping through wormholes until I landed in the world where I am happy.