Pre-Marital Sex

RedSox grew up in a Christian home just like I did. He has a super religious mom just like mine. I feel very comfortable talking about religious stuff with him, and he knows the Bible better than anyone I know. He's a good boy... dating a bad girl.

RedSox and I started out dating, dropped down to the friendship level, then picked things up with a hook-up... a hook-up that I initiated. We didn't have sex though, and I'm pretty sure I was the only one who wound up naked.

After a while (2 weeks) of no-sex hook-ups, I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped him and demanded sex. He was hesistant, "I haven't had sex in a really long time." Umm me neither. It's been a few weeks.

I later found out a long time for him was 2 years, and I felt proud that I could break his dry-spell.

This past Sunday RedSox came to church with me. Right before the service ended, the pastor announced a seminar called "Sex and Dating" was to follow the service. RedSox punched my leg and asked if I brought him to church to attend the seminar. I told him I had no intention of going.

The truth is that I did want to go, but I hadn't thought about it since I was supposed to be in Denver. We didn't end up going, but we discussed the topic on the ride back to his place. Redsox boldly asked, "why do you have pre-marital sex?"

After a tirade of bullshit, I told him the truth. I am not perfect. I'm last in line to get into Heaven, if I even am allowed in. I am not doing the best I can. I'm doing the best I am going to do.

I'm afraid of what will happen without sex. Sex is my weapon. It is my defense. I don't have to have deep discussions with my partner. I don't have to get to know him. Best of all, I don't have to let him in to get to know me.

It was a bit of a shocker to realize that... let alone admit it. I turned to RedSox and apologized for pressuring him into sex. I knew I did at the time, but I never took his feelings or thoughts into consideration.

I told him that if he wanted to slow down or even stop having sex, I would be willing to try. We didn't have sex that night, but I'm not sure if we will stop.

I do know that we will slow down, truly get to know each other and try to have a pre-marital relationship.