Engaged too Soon

I've been struggling quite a bit lately with my relationship with NotMexican. While I thought we were back on track, I think we're just more at a standstill.

When apart, I miss him so much. We talk on the phone and tell each other we love and miss each other... then when we see each other, it's mediocre.

Our trip to Breckinridge last month was great because we actually spent quality time together. New Years was good, but maybe because he was still in pain from breaking his ribs in Breckinridge.

This time... I am writing from his computer in colorado... I am just not at all enthused.

I got off the plane Friday night, exhausted, but so excited to see him. I read an article about happiness and the wonders of a smile, so I was smiling and ready to hug him and kiss him.

He drove into arrival, and got out of the car and when he rounded the corner after opening the trunk... he looked angry.

My smile faded before he had a chance to see it. Immediately I thought, "oh crap, did I go to the wrong pick-up side again?"

That question was quickly answered, when annoyed, he asked "what side are you on?"

I apologized profusely, but bummed and then shut down.

I went straight to bed with hopes that the next day would be better. It started out well, but he had to go to work. I didn't get any studying in because I was dwelling on the night before. He came home and we watched an excellent but depressing show called Intervention.

We were supposed to go to dinner with one of his friends who cancelled. I just could not feel better.

We went to dinner and I just blew up at him. I am sick and tired of looking forward to an awesome weekend with MY FUTURE HUSBAND and having it be crappy.

We made up, but I'm still unhappy. I cannot wait to get back to Boston.

I think this may be the beginning of the end...