In Limbo

I'm gonna jump from topic to topic in this post, but that's how my mind is working at the moment.

My life is in a limbo of sorts. I feel like I cannot make any decisions until I find out about residency. Match Day is this coming Thursday... but Black Monday tells me Yes or No. I'm really praying for a yes, both for the preliminary year and for radiology.

By some miracle, someone bought my loft bed... and now my bedroom is a mess of clothes and books. This hasn't helped with the limbo. I'm afraid to do anything else that might add to the chaos I'm feeling. 

I took a break and went to the Bahamas with RedSox and his friends. We had a wonderful time. Though our relationship has a definitive break, it doesn't have a definitive end. I've been reading a book called "When Good People Have Affairs," and have found quite a bit of enlightenment. I've also come up with a plan, possibly.

Tomorrow I'm going a church in Davis Square to drop off $1000. It's been my plan since the beginning of the residency application process. I was going to wait until after the Match, but I don't want to risk changing my donation in case I am displeased with the Match.

A few days ago, I met someone who gave me a great quote. "If you want something, you have to give it away." Basically if you want love, you need to give love. If you want money, you need to give money. If you want help, you need to offer it.

I want all of those things and more.

I just can't make any moves right now. I'm stuck... in limbo. Isn't this one of the layers of hell?