Do you feel safe at home?

My cousin's wife arrived from India on Friday, and yesterday we all gathered at my parents' home to welcome her with a family dinner. Unfortunately our family has been stunned by a recent turn of events.

One of my other cousins has been a victim of domestic abuse.

I used to laugh when the nurse at my yearly doctor's visit would ask if I felt safe at home. Of course I did. Domestic violence only happens in the movies.

It doesn't just happen in the movies. It's real life. It's now in my life.

J is a wonderful person. She's an amazing cook. She's very sweet. She is funny and sarcastic. She is loving. She always listens to her elders and does what she is told. Her major fault... She tries too hard to please the family, so she really DOES do EVERYTHING she is told to do.

Last year J went home to India to visit her mom. At 26, she's at the perfect age for marriage (actually on the older end by indian standards). Her mother put out the ad in the papers and internet, and J started meeting potential suitors. She liked a few here and there, but they never called her again. You see J is a big girl, and we all know looks matter.

Then she met S... and he was ok. Just ok. Her mom and the community pressured her to marry S because well... he was the only one willing to marry her and they didn't believe she could find anyone else.

J agreed to marry S. She came back to the US and continued her life here while her mom planned the wedding. She kept in touch with S over the phone, and they seemed to get along better. They married a year ago. He didn't get his visa to come to the US for a few months, so in my mind they've only been married a few months.

None of us know when the abuse started. Our best guess is a couple months ago. He wouldn't let her talk to many people. He accused her of having affairs. He would get drunk and go on a tirade and threaten to kill himself. J didn't tell anyone.

When my mom invited J and S to dinner earlier this week, she called J... but J made my mom call S and invite him as if it was the initial invite. My mom thought it was weird, but J said that it has to be done that way. S found out that my mom had called J first and sh!t hit the fan. They got in a huge fight, he threatened to hurt her and kill himself. She called her sister lilJ and left. J has since called the police on S and he's now chilling in the psych ward until further notice.

I don't know what will happen. We are all upset with S. We're upset with J. We're angry with ourselves because we couldn't do anything.

Well, now we are doing something. My parents, uncle and aunt have taken over. I'm sure my parents will pay him off to get him out of J's life and back to India. My uncle will execute everything. My mom and aunt will comfort J.

So what can I do? I can pray. I can call. I can be there for her.

I can be the best doctor in the world for my patients and recognize the pain before it continues, and I will never laugh again when the nurse asks me if I feel safe at home.