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Friday, 28 November 2008

Residency Rage

Posted on 19:04 by Unknown
I think if I bit someone right now, I'd infect them with rage... 

I had my first session with a new therapist on Wednesday to talk about my anger issues. Basically everything is setting me off. If I don't show it on the outside, it's destroying me on the inside. The whole residency process is stressful. I have to keep track of a lot of things, and when my parents get involved, stress skyrockets and anger ensues.

On Wednesday, I laid everything out on the table for my therapist and she feels like learning to deal with my parents is going to be the major focus during our time together. At the end of the session, she told me to try and keep track of things that are getting me angry.

Let me tell you what just happened, since this will probably be the entire focus of my next therapy session.

Today my mom called me on the way home from work. She was in the car with my dad. She was wicked excited on the phone telling me that Denver sent a letter to my parents' house and made me an offer outside of the match for my preliminary year.

Before I reacted I had two questions:
1. Why did Denver send the letter to my parents' address?
2. Why did Dad open mail addressed to me?

I told my mom this was a lot to take in, and I'm working my shift at the gym so I'll call when it's over. At the time that I call, I want her to READ the EXACT words in the letter to me. 

I called Sister and told her the news. She was beyond elated. She kept raving about how exciting this offer is, how I can cancel the rest of my prelim interviews and focus on radiology, how awesome Denver would be for a year, etc etc. 

For the rest of my shift I went over the option with several co-workers, getting their thoughts. I processed the offer, and was getting pretty excited myself. I didn't expect it all. Hell, my 'thank you' letters haven't even arrived in Denver.

I called my mom the second I got home. She tells me dad made a mistake, then reads the letter to me. It was basically a letter saying "thanks for coming, call if you have any questions." At the bottom the residency director hand-wrote "Come to Denver," which I'm sure he writes on all the letters.

This was a courtesy letter, an encouraging letter, but NOT an offer to bypass the Match and join the intern class next year. I was FUMING. I yelled at my mom about dad opening my mail. He should not have done that, nor said anything since he's not in medicine and doesn't know anything about the Match. She, in turn, should not have called me without reading the letter herself.

For the last 2 hours, I was pacing around telling everyone. My co-workers, Sister, RedSox... all these people think I've got an offer in Denver and it turns out I don't. 

I feel embarrassed, upset... bummed out. I am FUMING with anger, I can't really move.

I have plenty of material for my next session with my therapist... and my dad didn't think I needed to see one.
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